


Witnessing the Protector

by Hezikiah



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Accidents, Diary/Journal, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrations, Metacrisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 07:43:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12502328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hezikiah/pseuds/Hezikiah
Summary: When Donna and Shaun's neighbor notices a strange man hanging around outside their house, her world begins to turn upside down...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is written in the style of an epistolary story. I've wanted to try my hand at applying this style to fanfiction and this seemed perfect. Just for giggles, I threw in some crappy rendered sketches since the character is an artist and it makes it seem more like an actual journal and sketchbook. I wanted to try something a little different this go around.

_Selected entries from the personal journal and sketchbook of Dr. Ella Porter, Professor of Art History and amateur artist._

February 1, 2011

The town home next door has finally been sold! It will be nice to have new neighbors and not an empty old house.

Weather's turned awful again. When is it ever going to stop snowing? I can't wait to get back to California when my contract at the university ends. England is lovely, but I miss the sunshine. Two more years to go!

  


February 15, 2011

The new family moved in today, looks like a nice couple. I saw the moving van as I was slogging through the sleet this evening from the Tube stop. The wife has got the most brilliant ginger hair I've ever seen. I always wanted to be a redhead, but was fated to walk the earth as a boring old brunette. Oh well. The husband is black with a sweet smile.

I introduced myself. Their names are Donna and Shaun Temple-Noble. On impulse, I invited them over for tea sometime and then almost stuck my foot in my mouth. I've never actually had anyone over for tea, especially posh people! The only reason I can afford to live in this neighborhood is because the university owns the house and it's free. Otherwise, all I'd be able to afford is a bunk bed in an attic with my students. Oh well, let's hope I buy the right kind of scones. I think that's what you eat for tea? Time to ask Professor Google.

  


February 25, 2011

Donna and Shaun came over for tea this afternoon. They're both a lot more down-to-earth than I realized and not like most of the snots around here. Donna told me they've been married for less than a year and they won the lottery, which accounts for buying the town home. Donna rather shyly told me that she's also about eight weeks pregnant with their first baby, which was a surprise because she assumed she was too old to have children. She can't be more than 40, so I'm not that shocked, but I congratulated them profusely. They seem very excited about the prospect of starting a family and it will be nice to have more children in the neighborhood.

They were impressed with some of the artwork I had on display and I asked permission to sketch them, to which they agreed.

Shaun

Donna

  
Such a nice couple. I have a feeling that we're going to be good friends.

Something's a little strange about Donna, though. She seems to be a little...vague? Spacy? I can't quite find the right word for it. It's like she's not quite all there, but I don't mean intelligence-wise. I get the impression that she's smart. I don't know. Maybe it's just me, or it's just her pregnancy hormones. They blame everything on hormones these days, so who really knows?

  
  
Feb. 28, 2011

I saw the weirdest thing today and I mean _weird_. I was puttering about in the park across the street, looking for some squirrels to sketch. English squirrels are so damn cute. It's still snowing, for cripes sake, so it might be too early for squirrels, but I didn't care. Anyway, there I was, blundering off the path in the forested section of the park, when I saw this giant blue “police” box just parked there in the glade.

What the hell is a police box? Professor Google to the rescue! I guess the cops used them back in the old days to call for help and as a temporary prison. But...those things were supposed to be on streets, not in the middle of the woods.

Also, I've been to that glade a million times before and I've never seen anything like that box. The squirrels weren't around, so I pulled out this journal and sketched it.

  


Freaky blue box in the woods!

  
Here's the weird thing. As I finished the drawing, the door of the box opened and a man in a blue suit stuck his head out. He looked right at me and seemed genuinely shocked to see me standing there. He had a sort of manic look in his eyes and I was terrified that he was a nutter, so I dashed off. The dude had sideburns. Sideburns! Who the heck wears sideburns these days except for Elvis impersonators and hipsters?

And I thought LA was weird...

  


March 1, 2011

Say hello to the klutz, that's me! Effing ice storm last night. I slipped on an icy patch on the front steps and fell. Shaun heard me yelling and found me sprawled on the sidewalk. He was kind enough to drive me to A&E, where I was told I'd sprained my ankle and was sent to bed for two weeks with a set of crutches. So, I'm on bed rest. Donna came over bearing tea and sympathy. We wound up watching telly and making fun of Gordon Ramsey. I won't repeat the things she called him, for propriety's sake. Donna's an absolute riot and I'm glad she moved next door. Things will be less lonely around here!

I've chosen to convalesce on the sofa in my upstairs office, since it overlooks the street and gives me something to look at. And I had plenty to look at. After Donna went home, I noticed the guy in the blue suit from the woods standing across the street staring at her house. Except this time, he was wearing a long brown duster coat (thinks he's a cowboy, maybe?). Anyway, he gave me the creeps big time. I'm not sure why, but I decided to sketch him.

Wonder what he's doing there?

  
As I finished drawing, his eyes flickered up to my house and I'm pretty sure he saw me staring at him. His eyes narrowed and I had to lean back from the sofa to hide. Brr.

  


March 2, 2011

The creeper was back today, but this time he was wearing a brown pinstripe suit. I'm calling him Mr. Pinstripes. I couldn't help but watch him. I'm not a nosybody, not at all. Let people go about their business, but I really don't like the way he stares at Donna and Shaun's house. Who is this guy?

  


March 3, 2011

Day Three and he's still there. I'm starting to feel like a stalker now with this weird obsession to look out for the creeper on the street. Ha! I'm stalking a stalker!

I need to get a life...just as soon as this stupid ankle decides to heal. Oh well, time for telly and Jammie Dodgers!

  
  
March 6, 2011

I'm frightened for Donna. I should really tell her or maybe even Shaun about this guy. I can't believe they haven't noticed him. Every time they leave the house, he steps into the park. Why haven't they seen him?! I have to tell them, just as soon as I can get out of this stupid house. Damn, I wish that we'd thought to exchange mobile numbers! Maybe she knows him, maybe not. I don't know if I should go to the police. I mean, technically he's not breaking any laws, is he? It's not against the law to just stand on the sidewalk. But still, this doesn't feel right! I'm really starting to become frightened of this whole affair. I have to tell Donna and Shaun. I'd never forgive myself if that man did something awful to them and I could have prevented it.

  


March 7, 2011

Oh god, I just don't know what to do! And now he's looking at me! Mr. Pinstripes was standing in front of my house this morning, just looking up at my window. _MY HOUSE!!!!_ I only saw him for a second, but it was enough for me to sketch him. I have to tell the cops or something. Hopefully, my ankle will be well enough for me to leave the house soon. I haven't gone near the office window all day and I've kept the front curtains closed. I'm too scared to look outside.

Mr. Pinstripes creeping about outside my house and staring at my window.

  
  
March 10, 2011 (maybe?!)

I'm trying to remain calm as I write this. I'm not sure if I've been kidnapped or not...if I have, the kidnapper in question is very cordial and polite and seems unhappy whenever I start to cry. Mr. Pinstripes says that I'm not being held against my will and that I'm free to go as soon as I hear him out. Wait, that's not really his name. I can't help but think of him that way. He calls himself the Doctor...oh, but I'm rambling. I guess I'm just trying to process all of this and I thought writing in my journal would help. I should really back up.

So I was on my way through the park to the shops. Like I'd feared, I wasn't quite ready for the trip and my ankle started hurting. I decided to sit down on a bench and rest. I saw some cute squirrels in a tree and pulled out my journal to sketch them. After a few minutes, I happened to look up and saw Mr. Pinstripes striding towards me. I guess he was about 16 or 17 yards away.

There was something about his bearing, like he had a purpose for approaching me and I got a horrible feeling of foreboding. You see, I was alone in the park. There was no one else around, and I had the overwhelming urge to run. I shoved the journal into my shopping bag, bolted off the bench, and raced down the path adjacent to the stream that runs through the park. I could see the rooftops of the shops just over the treeline. Just around the bend of the path was the park gate and safety, if I could only reach it in time. My ankle throbbed with stabbing pain, but I ignored it as I slipped and slid down the trail, muddy from the melting snow.

I shouldn't have glanced over my shoulder. I should have just kept going, but I was so scared. I'd never felt such a desperate need to run, like I was being hunted. All I wanted was to get away, get to the police. Mr. Pinstripes was trouble, I just knew it. But, I looked back and saw he had easily gained on me and was about 5 yards behind me. He yelled at me to stop. Yeah, right!

But who was I kidding? Mr. Pinstripes is built like a runner. There was no way I was going to escape him, but I sure was going to try. I felt a surge of adrenaline as I stepped down into a washed out part of the trail and suddenly lost my balance. I remember screaming as I tumbled backwards into space. The stream is a ten foot drop below the bank. I know I landed on my back in the water because I heard the splash and instantly went numb from the freezing water. At the same time, the back of my head connected with a sharp rock and I heard a cracking sound as white-hot pain disrupted my vision. I heard a shout and through the fog that covered my eyes, I saw him looking down at me from the bank above, an expression of shock and dismay on his face. He yelled something at me and looked around for a way down to the stream, but at that point I blacked out.

I don't know how long I was out, but it must have been several hours. Opening my eyes, I discovered that I was lying on a soft bed and was covered with a thin blanket. The lights were a bit dim, but I could make out gleaming white cabinets and unfamiliar, almost alien equipment against the walls. It didn't look like a hospital room, so I decided I must still be in A&E. I found that thought comforting. If I was in hospital, then I was safe from Mr. Pinstripes. An instant wave of relief washed over me.

I remember being surprised that neither my head or my ankle hurt much after the accident. I figured the doctors must have given me a powerful pain reliever and I was perfectly happy with that. A male voice said, “Oh good, you're awake.” There was a movement out of the corner of my eye and a blinding light suddenly filled my field of vision. I groaned in protest and squeezed my eyes shut. “Oops, sorry! Should have warned you about that!” the voice continued. “Can you open your eyes for me? I need to check your pupils.”

I forced my eyes open and looked into the light, which obscured the face of the doctor. The light clicked off after a moment and I shut them again. My hands reached up and scrubbed at my eyes, trying to rub away the pinpoints that burned and danced in the dark.

The doctor started babbling. “Hmm...your pupils aren't contracting evenly, so that means you've got a concussion. But, still, things could be worse after that tumble you took. How do you feel, Dr. Porter?”

I felt really weird, like I was doped up on something. It was hard to think straight and I attributed it to the medication. “Loopy. What did you give me?” My voice was scratchy and rough, like it is after you just wake up.

“Nothing.”

“Really?” I was surprised at that.

“Yes. You're probably feeling disoriented from the concussion. You cracked the back of your head open on that rock, but I patched you up. That, and your ankle. You'd sprained it again. Also, some minor contusions. Oh! And bruised ribs. Nothing much I can do about that, unfortunately. They should heal up in a few days, but you're going to be a bit sore.” There was a pause as I heard him take a deep breath before he continued his babbling. “I am so sorry this happened to you, Dr. Porter. I really am.”

I was confused at the contrite tone in his voice. “Why...why are you sorry?”

“Because this is all my fault. Stupid doctor that I am, if I had thought through how to approach you, in a crowded street for instance, then you wouldn't have run away from me and you wouldn't have fallen into the stream and done yourself a mischief.”

An icy chill ran down my spine at his words. My eyes flew open and I shot upright at the same time, crying out in alarm when I saw who it was. Mr. Pinstripes was standing there! The world swam and I felt a rising wave of nausea that rivaled the panic that filled me. A dull, aching pain shot through my ribcage, but I ignored it as my eyes darted around, looking for a means of escape. I could see a doorway on the far side of the room, but even in my weakened state, I knew that I didn't have the strength to make it that far.

“Dr. Porter, it's ok. You're safe. Just lie down. That's it...” Strong hands touched my shoulders and tried to guide me back down onto the bed. My fight-or-flight instinct instantly took over and I shrieked and lashed out at him. He grabbed my wrists to prevent me from hitting him. “Sssh. Sssh. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not. Please, just calm down now.” There was something hypnotically soothing about his soft voice and, as much as I didn't want to listen, I could feel my will to resist him start to wane. I fought it off, though. I certainly was _not_ safe! Not at all! I struggled against his powerful hands that had managed to press me down to the mattress, pinning me by the wrists. I know now that he was only trying to protect himself and me from getting hurt, but being held down frightened me further and I kicked and screamed, thrashing my body around to try and get out of his grip.

His voice remained calm, but there was a hint of resolution in it now. “Dr. Porter, Eloise. Please. You've got a concussion, you're confused, and you're scared. I understand and I'm sorry. I really don't want to sedate you because that will only make this situation worse, but I will if you can't calm down. I won't have you hurting yourself further.”

The threat of sedation was what broke through my addled brain. The very idea of being unconscious while under Mr. Pinstripes' imprisonment was enough to still my flailing limbs and silence my screams. I fought back against the nausea, feeling like I was going to throw up. The world swam in irritating circles and I felt terrible. My exertions had exhausted me and all I could do was take a few deep, shuddering breaths as I summoned the courage to look into the face of my captor. His eyes were huge and earnest, a deep chocolate brown, and held no malice. All I saw in his eyes was concern. Mr. Pinstripes' grip on my wrists eased up, but he didn't take his hands off me. "That's better."  
  
We stared at each other for a long moment before helpless tears began trickling down my cheeks and I started sobbing. I had no idea what he was going to do to me and I was the most frightened I'd ever been in my whole life.

A sad and distressed look crossed his face when he saw me weeping and that surprised me. “Aw, there's no need to cry. Like I said, you're safe here. Please don't cry, Dr. Porter. I'm not going to hurt you.” His voice was quiet and gentle.

I couldn't stop the tears, though. I was too terrified. “Who...who are you?”

He smiled kindly at me. “I'm the Doctor.”

I swallowed once to calm my throat, which was sore from screaming. “I can see that. Doctor who?”

“Just the Doctor.” His hands let go of me and he stood up straight, trusting that I wouldn't panic.

I had kicked the blanket to the end of the bed and he pulled it back over me. “How do you know my name? And why have you been watching Donna and Shaun's house? And mine? And why didn't you take me to A&E?” My voice rose in pitch as I started to involuntarily shake in fright. I clutched at the blanket, needing something to hold on to. “Where am I? Where have you brought me? This isn't a hospital, is it?”

His hands covered mine and he squeezed them lightly. I could tell he was trying to keep me calm. “Your name is on your mailbox. I've been watching Donna and Shaun Temple-Noble's house and yours for reasons that I'll happily divulge once you've rested and recovered, because it would take too long to explain now. As for A&E, the TARDIS was closer and well...I couldn't have you reporting me to the police. That's where you are right now, in the medical bay of my ship. It's called the TARDIS.”

“Ship?” That made no sense. We were too far from the river or the seaside for him to have carried me to a ship.

“I'll tell you all about it when you've rested, I promise. I think you should try to sleep now.”

Sleeping was the last thing I wanted to do. I shook my head. Despite his soothing words and quiet manner, I didn't feel any safer. "I want to go home." I knew I sounded like a small child then, but I didn't really care. It was the truth. I was still crying silently and I swiped at my wet cheeks in a futile gesture to stop my tears.

"I know, but your injuries are too severe for you to be left alone, Dr. Porter. You're under my care for the time being.” The Doctor reached into his pocket and pulled out a hankie, which he used to gently wipe my face. “There now, no more tears. There's nothing to be afraid of." I didn't understand why he was being so kind, especially after over a week of standing outside my house and frightening the tarnation out of me. “Eloise...may I call you Eloise? Or do you prefer Dr. Porter?”

“No one calls me Eloise, except for my mother. And only my students and colleagues call me Dr. Porter. I go by Ella.”

“Ella, then. You're going to be fine. You just need some time to heal.”

“And then what?” I was scared to ask the question, but I had to know. “I'm your prisoner.”

A look of pure shock crossed the Doctor's face and he stepped back in alarm. “Is that what you really think?” he snapped. “That I've taken you prisoner, Ella?”

I was surprised by his vehemence and it scared me even more. “You...you said you couldn't have me telling the police! Why else would you have brought me here, if not for keeping me from the authorities? You've been stalking my house, stalking my neighbors for reasons I don't know...”

“And I said I would explain, once you've rested and are more coherent,” he interrupted me. “But one thing is certain: you are not my prisoner. You are free to go once you're stable enough to leave and you've heard me out. Agreed?”

What else was I supposed to do? I was tired and felt defenseless and vulnerable. “I...guess so,” I conceded.

A smile lit up his face. “Great! I'm glad that we've come to an understanding.” He stepped closer to the bed and I tried not to shrink back from him. “Now, are you in pain?”

My confused hysterical fit had caused my ribs to hurt and my head to start pounding. I nodded.

“Well, we'll just have to do something about that. Can't have you in pain, can we? Will you let me help you to sit up?” I hesitated and then nodded again. I wasn't too sure what to make of the pinstriped doctor who'd decided that I was going to be his patient whether I liked it or not.. But, he seemed pleased that I'd agreed and he slid an arm underneath my shoulders, pulling me upwards. The Doctor propped a few pillows behind my back so that I was sitting up at an angle. “There you go.”

Sitting up was a huge mistake. I wasn't ready yet. My ribcage throbbed and ached and I wrapped my arms tight around my middle, unable to suppress a groan. I had never been in so much pain in my life. Suddenly, I realized something was amiss. I was naked under the dark blue, short sleeved hospital gown that I'd been dressed in. “Doctor, where...? My clothes...” I turned bright red as mortification filled me.

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and looked chagrined. “It was necessary to take them off of you. You were wet and muddy from falling into the stream and it was freezing out there. I had to to prevent hypothermia from setting in, but don't worry! I worked very fast, I didn't peek, and I kept you covered up as much as possible.” I believed him for some reason, and his obvious embarrassment was genuine. He cleared his throat and turned around to rummage in a cabinet. “Anyway, I've got just the thing here to take care of that pain. Works a right treat.”

Well, of course it had been necessary, but I still felt a bit flustered knowing he'd seen me without my clothes on. I was just glad that I'd been unconscious because I think facing him would have been more awkward if I'd remembered. I didn't want to wear the strange gown and feel like a patient, if that makes any sense, even though it wasn't revealing at all. I was completely covered, thanks to the wraparound design. “May I have my clothes back now?”

He shook his head. “They're all but ruined.” The Doctor removed a vial out of a cabinet, but I couldn't really see what he was doing as his back was to me. “Not to worry, though. I've got plenty of clothing you can wear once you're well enough to leave the medical bay.”

“Oh.” I took the opportunity to look around the room some more. It wasn't very large, but I could see three other examination beds besides my own separated by opaque blue curtains that could be pulled to offer privacy. They were all open, though. The opposite walls were filled with cabinets and shelves that held strange instruments and machinery. I turned, whimpering as pain thudded through my ribs, and saw a monitor on the wall behind me. It seemed to be displaying my vital signs. I realized that I didn't recognize any of the technology. It was all futuristic and unfamiliar. I've never liked hospitals in the first place and not understanding what everything was used for scared me. Another wave of apprehension filled me and I tried not to start crying again. Really, I'm not that weepy! I blamed it on the concussion and was furious with myself for not being able to control my emotions. “I don't know what any of this stuff is used for,” I said to the Doctor's back.

He chuckled. “I don't expect you would. You're a doctor, but not a medical doctor, and most of it's from the future and not from your world.”

How did he know I wasn't a medical doctor? And the future? Other worlds? I shook my head in confusion and instantly regretted doing that because it intensified the pain in my head. “You're not making any sense, Doctor.”

“It will all make perfect sense...in time.” He turned and came back over to me carrying a cylindrical object about the size of a ballpoint pen. Before I knew what was happening, he pushed up the sleeve of my gown and placed the object against my bicep, pressing a button on the end. It didn't hurt, but I yelped and jerked as a cold sensation shot through my arm. The pain in my ribs and my head instantly evaporated. A sigh of relief escaped me and I relaxed. The Doctor smiled as he put what I'd guessed was a futuristic hypodermic needle back on the counter. “Better?”

“Yes.” I hesitated. “Thanks.”

“You're welcome, Ella. Are you thirsty?”

I realized I was parched and my throat was dry. When I nodded, he opened another cabinet and pulled out a white bottle. He twisted the top off and handed it to me. I stared at the bottle and then looked at him. “What is this?”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Just water. Good old H20. Now drink up.” I hesitated and I saw the Doctor suppress a sigh. He took the bottle from me and took a long swig from it. “See? You can trust me. I'm not trying to drug or poison you.” In a flash, he pulled a colorful crazy straw from his pocket and stuck it into the bottle before giving it back to me. “Everything's better with a silly straw, isn't it? Even water!”

This time I did laugh. It was so unexpected and ridiculous that I couldn't help it. He smirked at the sound of my laughter and I saw a flash of relief cross his face as I tried the drink. It was water and I slurped it down, thirstier than I'd realized. Before I knew it, I'd finished and I wanted to ask for more, but I was afraid I might get sick if I did. My stomach felt queasy and I asked to lie back down. The Doctor removed the extra pillows and tugged the blanket back over me as I curled up on my side and shut my eyes, giving in to the exhaustion that I'd been fighting for the last several minutes.

I woke up several hours later and I guessed it was the middle of the night. The Doctor wasn't around. I'd hoped that it had all been some sort of dream, but I could see that it hadn't. I rolled onto my back and groaned aloud because it was sore and felt swollen. I hadn't felt that way earlier and I shifted back onto my side to ease the discomfort. I couldn't go back to sleep and I regarded the alien medical bay, feeling anxious and full of apprehension. The Doctor must have dimmed the lights when he'd left and the only illumination came from dim hexagon-shaped sconces in the walls and the wall monitor above my bed, which made a low and steady thrumming noise. I assumed it was in time to my pulse. Everything was in darkness and shadows.

I wanted to be anywhere else but in that strange, frightening place and I clutched at the blanket as a sudden wave of homesickness washed over me. Tears began trickling down my cheeks and I buried my face in the pillow to stifle an unwilling sob that bubbled up out of nowhere. Once I got started crying, I couldn't stop no matter how hard I tried. I knew that weeping wouldn't do me any good, but it didn't matter. I had never felt so alone and frightened in my life.

I'm not very religious, but I found myself praying to God that I would find a way to get out of there. If I wasn't the Doctor's prisoner (and I still very much felt that I was), I was a prisoner to my own body. I didn't know the extent of my injuries and I was too weak to try to attempt to escape, though I sorely wished I could.

There were footsteps in the corridor outside and I held my breath to stop my sobbing. My shoulders still shook from the force of my tears, though. I didn't want him to see me crying again. I'd read somewhere that you should never show weakness in the face of your enemy. The doors swooshed open and the Doctor poked his head inside. “Ella?”

I didn't answer, just sniffled as I held in my tears. He stepped inside the room and I squeezed my eyes shut as I heard him approach my bed. “What's the matter? Are you in pain? Those meds should last a few more hours...”

I shook my head, not trusting my voice, and kept sniffling. “Then why are you crying?”

It took me a minute to calm down enough to answer him. “I...I don't want to be here.” I intended it to be quiet, but it came out as more of a soft wail. I didn't add that I was terrified and I wanted to go home. He already knew that.

The Doctor was silent for a moment. “I can't take you to hospital and I won't leave you alone considering the state you're in, you have to understand that. Bringing you here was the best option, for everyone.” I opened my eyes and looked up at him. There was an expression of sadness on his face, and what I guessed was frustration. “I'm sorry, I really am. I don't like to see you upset and crying. I know that this situation is difficult, but you have to realize that it involves more than just you. You absolutely cannot leave the TARDIS right now, Ella Porter.”

Those weren't the words that I wanted to hear and I'm pretty sure he knew that. The feeling that I really was his prisoner came back and dread washed over me. Fresh tears welled up and his face fell when he saw them dripping down my cheeks. “Oh, blimey...” He took a deep breath and squatted down so that he was at eye level with me before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his hanky. I let out another sob as he dabbed at my face for the second time that day. “I know this is hard, so very hard for you. You don't handle sudden changes well, I can tell. Please believe me when I say that everything is going to be all right, Ella.”

I didn't believe him and I hiccuped through another burst of tears. “I don't think anything I say is going to help, but a good, long cry can be quite cathartic.” He pressed the hankie into my palm. “Take this and let it all out. I won't be far away if you need me.” The Doctor retreated to the corner of the med bay, out of my line of sight.

I stopped trying to hold the tears back and I'm not sure how long I laid there as sob after sob wracked my body. I knew the Doctor was watching, but I didn't care. Let him see me cry. Let him understand just how upset I was at being kept there against my will.

There came a point when I didn't seem to have any tears left. I wiped my eyes with the hanky and blew my nose, finally going quiet. The Doctor came back over and squatted down again. “There now. That's done. Would you care for a dry pillow? Yours seems a bit soggy.”

Well, it was pretty wet. I struggled to sit up, stiff joints and bruised muscles protesting. I dropped my head into my hands as the Doctor switched the pillows out and told me to get some more rest. He left the room, saying he'd check on me again in a few hours. I felt physically exhausted, but my brain wouldn't shut off.

Eventually, I shoved the covers back and slid off the bed. I nearly collapsed right there as the room spun and my knees wobbled, but I managed to stagger across the room to my bag that was sitting on the counter. If I could just find my mobile, I could call for help. Screw what he said about me not contacting the police. I was in trouble. I dug through my bag, but my mobile was nowhere to be found. I remembered that I'd shoved it into my pocket. Had it fallen out and was still by the stream? I'd eventually be reported missing and someone would find my phone. They'd search the park and find the TARDIS. I'd be rescued! 

That small hope was all I had. Seeing that my journal and pen were still in the bag, I grabbed them and returned to bed, where I started writing this entry.

Will I ever see home again?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Donna and Shaun's neighbor notices a strange man hanging around outside their houses, her world turns upside down...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor tries to get a frightened Ella to trust him and tells her about his and Donna's past. She contemplates running away.

_Selected entries from the personal journal and sketchbook of Dr. Ella Porter, Professor of Art History and amateur artist._

March 12, 2011 (at least, that's what the Doctor tells me)

All of this has been so scary...it's not every day that you seriously injure yourself trying to escape from a stalker in the park and then wind up in his spaceship not knowing whether you're his prisoner or not. No one knows I'm missing. Everyone thinks that I'm still at home recovering from a sprained ankle and so my disappearance won't be noticed for awhile.

It's funny that I feel homesick now. I've been in England for almost two years and surprisingly never felt homesick much (except for the weather and craving decent Mexican food now and then).

I'm trying to keep my thoughts straight, but it's so difficult at times. The Doctor suggested that I keep writing everything down, but I'm getting ahead of myself. I should go back to this morning...

Writing the last entry in the middle of the night took a lot out of me. I was so exhausted that my journal had dropped out of my hand and tumbled to the floor after I finished writing. I wound up falling back into a fitful sleep.

I woke up later to the soft _whoosh_ of a door opening. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I sat up and saw the Doctor walking in. He carried a tray covered with a tea towel, which he set on the counter. “Good morning, Ella! Oh...I see you've been busy.” The Doctor nodded to my journal on the ground. He shook his head and crossed his arms. “You shouldn't have gotten out of bed. With that concussion, it's possible that you could have fallen.”

I flushed at his quiet chastisement, but also because what he'd said was true. Walking had been been difficult the night before. “I can walk just fine,” I lied. “I...just thought writing would help me try to stay calm.”

He bent down to pick up my journal. “Keeping a journal is often an effective means of clearing your thoughts. I've been known to pick up the old pen a few times. But still, I don't want you to walk around unless I'm with you.” I held out my hand for the journal, but he hesitated. He looked thoughtful as he gazed down at the book. Anger flared up inside me, but then he turned and placed it back into my shopping bag. “Let's just put this away for now.”

I let out a breath, trying to relax. I couldn't help but feel tense because I didn't trust him and I still didn't know whether he had told me the truth about not being his captive. The Doctor hadn't treated me like a prisoner so far and I found a small measure of comfort in that thought.

He stepped closer, took a pair of rectangular framed glasses from his pocket, and slipped them onto his face. “How do you feel?” he asked as he glanced up at the monitor above the bed.

“A little better. Um...still kind of dizzy and my head hurts again.” I hesitated before deciding not to tell him about my back, though I'm not sure why.

He didn't seem to notice. “Dizziness and headache are normal for a concussion.” The Doctor grasped my chin to turn my head to the side and I flinched away. He let go and there was a long, uncomfortable silence between us before he finally said, “Ella.” I could hear the sadness in his voice. “There's no reason to be frightened of me.”

I brought my knees up to my chest and curled my arms around them in a protective gesture. My eyes refused to look at him and instead stared at the empty beds. “I've been frightened of you for the past week and a half. Forgive me if it's more than a little hard to trust you right now.”

There was another long silence. “I'm sorry about that. I really am. I feel terrible that I caused your accident and I've tried to make amends by making you better. Trust takes time to build and we have to start somewhere, but it's up to you to take that first step. I only want to have a look at your head where you hit the rock, to see how it's healing, and run a quick scan to make sure you're recovering adequately. Both are painless. Will you let me help you?”

My eyes flickered over to the counter beyond the Doctor and I spotted my bag. I remembered my phone. “Have...have you seen my mobile?” I tried to sound casual. If he didn't have it, then that meant it was outside and someone might find it. I had to know if there was any hope of being rescued, even if it was a small chance.

The Doctor quirked an eyebrow and, to my dismay, took my phone out of his pocket and laid it on the bed next to me. The screen was cracked beyond recognition. I picked it up and tried to turn it on, but nothing happened. “I'm sorry, but it was badly damaged when you fell.”

So I really was trapped there with no way to call for help and no way for the outside world to realize I was missing. I bit my lip and squeezed the phone in frustration. He'd had it this whole time and I wondered if it had really been broken or if he'd smashed it to keep me from contacting anyone. I didn't have a chance to contemplate this further, though, because the Doctor took it from me and put it on the counter with my belongings.

“Ella?” He tried to catch my eyes and I knew he wanted my answer.

The Doctor trying to get me to trust him. Those glasses make him look a lot more serious and brainy. I wonder if he really even needs them?

I closed my eyes, unsure of what to do. Did I really even have a choice? I remembered what had happened the day before, how the Doctor had been unhappy when he saw me crying after my semi-delirious fit. He'd wiped away my tears, given me something for the pain, proved that the water wasn't poisoned by drinking it himself, and made me laugh with the silly straw. I recalled the genuine look of relief on his face when he'd heard my laughter. All of those gestures and more were small bits of proof that he was trying to gain my trust. A sudden thought struck me. _Maybe this situation is just as hard for him as it is for you_. I had no idea if that was true, though, since I didn't even know _why_ he'd been watching me in the first place.

The Doctor had already promised to explain once I was better, hadn't he? I had agreed that I understood. Fighting his efforts to heal me was only going to delay finding out his motivations, and it suddenly didn't make sense to refuse his help. I still didn't trust him, but I knew I was going to have to try if I was going to get any answers. 

I swallowed once, gathering my courage. “Yes, all right.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” The Doctor stepped closer and turned my head to the side. I felt his fingers probe around my scalp about three inches to the left of my right ear. It didn't hurt and he stopped after a few moments. “You had a large, nasty gash and a minor skull fracture, but the dermal regenerator did a smashing job fixing it. Your headaches are coming from the whack that your brain took. Oh! Speaking of that concussion...” I turned my head around and saw that he was pulling out a penlight from his jacket pocket. “Let's check your eyes.”

I really hated that penlight, but I let him shine it into my eyes. “Ow,” I grumbled when he was done and rubbed them.

“Still contracting unevenly, but not as much as before. That means you're getting better. Lie down so I can run that scan.”

I blinked once to clear my vision and pushed the blanket off my lap. That's when I saw the fuzzy bright blue socks with yellow peeled bananas on my feet. I looked at the Doctor in confusion. “Where did these come from?” The bananas danced around as I wiggled my toes.

He laughed. “You just noticed those? Aren't they brilliant? The medical bay is a bit cold, so I put them on you to keep your feet warm. Bananas are good. Do you like them?” 

“Um...bananas or the socks?” 

“Both.”

I smiled a little. “Yes, I like both.”

“Good, because there's bananas in your breakfast.” The Doctor glanced towards the tray on the counter. “I brought you something to eat because I thought you might be hungry, yeah?” I followed his gaze and my stomach rumbled. I hadn't eaten since before the accident, and that had only been a bowl of cereal. He saw the longing on my face and smirked. “Thought so. Come on, let's get this over with and then you can eat.” 

I stretched out on my back and immediately regretted it. Pain shot through me and I rolled onto my side, letting out a keening whimper. The Doctor rested a hand on my shoulder and bent down to look me in the eyes. “Slow, deep breaths, Ella. There you go. Lying on your back is definitely not a good idea.” The worst of the pain passed and I lie there, shaking. I felt like every bone in my body had been beaten with a sackful of hammers. He gently rubbed my shoulder in a comforting gesture and I didn't really mind. “Better now?” I nodded. “Then let's find out what's going on, eh? Try lying on your tummy.”

I took another deep breath and shifted onto my stomach. The pain wasn't as bad, but it still hurt no matter how I moved. I crossed my arms and laid my head on top, turning to watch the Doctor. 

“Lie still for me.” He reached up and fiddled with a panel on the wall above my bed. I heard a high pitched buzzing sound and saw a green light out appear from the ceiling. It traveled rapidly along my body before it disappeared. “All done!” The Doctor punched a button on the side of the monitor, and shoved his glasses up higher on his face before studying the display. “Well, the good news is that there's still no sign of internal damage, save for your banged up ribcage. Your spinal column is fine, albeit a little rattled, too. Hmm...the impact has busted a lot of the blood vessels in your back and they've been bleeding out overnight. There's massive bruising, but the worst is there on your right side, which took the brunt of your fall.” His finger traced an outline of my back on the monitor and he winced. “Oh, ouch. No wonder you're in pain.”

“What's wrong?”

“A large hematoma has formed.” At my blank look, he continued, “That's a pool of blood that's been collecting under the subdermal layer. It's causing pressure to build, which is why your back is swollen and hurts so much. Not to worry, though. I can stop the bleeding. Won't take long, either. I know you're hungry.” He turned away from the monitor and brought the blanket up to cover my lower half. I didn't really register what he meant to do until he shifted up to my left side and I felt his hands start to undo the shoulder and side closures of my gown.

I half twisted around in surprise. “Wait! What are you doing?”

He looked at me over the rims over his glasses and seemed confused that I was questioning him. “I need to see your back in order to treat it...oh.” The Doctor trailed off, realizing that I hadn't understood what he needed to do. “I suppose I should have asked permission first. May I?”

“Um...” I felt torn. The thought of him seeing my bare back frightened me. I already felt vulnerable enough and I didn't want to make it worse. On the other hand, my back was _really_ starting to hurt. “I...I guess.” I almost didn't recognize my own voice, it sounded so small. 

The Doctor gave me a reassuring smile. “It's ok to feel self-conscious. I know this is a bit awkward, so I'll do what I can to make it as easy as possible. I'm only going to see your back. Everything else is covered up and I'll stand where you can see me at all times, all right?”

“Ok.” I was relieved that he understood my reluctance.

He finished undoing the closures and pulled the gown open, folding the edges back. As I shivered in the chilly air, I heard the Doctor suck in a sharp breath when he saw the mess and he said through his teeth, “Oh, blimey, Ella.” 

His reaction made me lift my head and look over my right shoulder. I couldn't see much, but what I could see was a mass of enormous black and purple bruises. “Oh my god!”

The Doctor spread both hands flat over the right side of my back and he whistled. “Aw, that's enormous! Bigger than both my hands put together. Quite impressive!” He sounded fascinated and he gently prodded the edges of the hematoma. I yelped at the pain that erupted underneath his fingers.

“Oh, sorry!” he apologized. “Forgot how tender that is. Hang on just a tick and we'll take care of this monster.” He stepped away to look through a cabinet.

A few tears escaped and I scrubbed them away, focusing on my socks to distract myself. I looked back over my shoulder at the soles of my feet, which were just visible under the edge of the blanket. All of the bananas had happy faces and I smiled. I wasn't sure why the Doctor had put ridiculous happy banana socks on my feet, besides to keep my feet warm, but I suspected that he had a silly side and he was using it to try to gain my trust.

Silly banana socks from my point of view. I was very tired when I sketched these and the Doctor says they look like ghosts. Gee, thanks, Doc.

He returned holding a device that looked like a very short lightsaber, of all things. “You're going to use your Jedi powers to slay the beast?”

The Doctor looked at the device and chuckled. “Maybe I shouldn't have shown it to George.” He turned it on and it glowed bright orange. I eyed it with apprehension. He caught my look and shook his head. “No, it won't hurt. Might feel a bit hot, that's all, no worse than being outside on a sunny day.”

I let him wave the device over my back several times while he babbled on about how it worked. I had no idea what he was talking about. All I know is that there was a lot of heat in my back and a massive tingling sensation, then the swelling disappeared and the pain lessened considerably. He told me that the bleeding had stopped and the bruising would fade on its own in a few days. He refastened the gown. “Enough of that annoying poking and prodding stuff. It's time to eat. Up up!”

I turned over and sat up. He brought the tray over and pulled the towel off to reveal a steaming bowl of oatmeal mixed with bananas and French vanilla granola. There was also a pot of Earl Grey tea. It's my absolute favorite breakfast and I looked up at him, confused. The Doctor only flashed me a mysterious smile and gave me another shot of pain medication. How could he have known something so small and personal about me? Was it just a coincidence? Who _was_ this man, really?

I pushed a slice of banana around in my oatmeal with the spoon and looked over at the Doctor. He'd poured himself a cup of tea and sat down on a rolling stool. I took a few more bites before I asked, “Doctor?”

“Hmm?”

“I'm sorry about last night.”

He shook his head. “There's no need to apologize, Ella. You're seriously injured and crying was a natural reaction to feeling alone and being frightened. This hasn't been easy for you, not at all, but I only wish you'd realize that there's no reason to be afraid of _me_.”

I didn't know what  to say to that, so I just asked, “When are you going to tell me what's going on so I can go home?”

He set his cup and saucer down on the counter with a slight clatter. “There's no time like the present, though I'll remind you that our agreement included your being well enough to leave. That's not going to happen for another day or two, not until that concussion is completely gone and I've made sure that there's no more nasty surprises, like hematomas.”

The Doctor leaned back on the stool, crossing one long leg over the other. He slipped his glasses off and tucked them into his suit pocket. “Now...where to begin? Well, I suppose I should start with Gallifrey.”

I listened to his story while I ate the oatmeal, but was finding it harder and harder to eat as his story got wilder and wilder. In a nutshell, the Doctor is an alien, a Time Lord, from the planet Gallifrey. He travels around time and space in a blue police box called the TARDIS, saving planets and having adventures. Did I mention that the TARDIS is bigger on the inside? He's been banging about the universe for several centuries. Also, he can't die. He just sort of changes bodies and he's on his tenth one right now. He often has a companion or two who travel with him and that's where Donna comes in.

Donna was one of his companions. She traveled with him for about a year or so and she's done some amazing things around the universe. That was until there was the whole planets-appearing-in-the-sky incident about 18 months ago. The Doctor and some of his former companions wound up saving the world, but Donna suffered an accident that caused her to absorb some his DNA, I guess (he didn't go into particulars and I was having enough trouble trying to keep up at this point). It's like she was human with a Time Lord brain, but he said that the two are incompatible. He had to erase her memories of him and their adventures and lock them away in her mind (how the hell did he do that?!). I'll never forget the look on his face when he told me about that part. It was a completely blank and empty expression, not because he didn't feel anything...but I think because he felt too much.

  
The Doctor telling me about Donna's fate.

After a moment, he shook his head and continued the story. “Anyway, Ella, the problem is this: if Donna remembers me, if she sees me, if she hears or sees the TARDIS, it could make her mind burn. It will kill her and I can't let that happen. I've promised myself that I would protect her from remembering because I'm not going to let her die. I check on her once a year, just to make sure she's all right.”

“So that's why you were hanging around outside her house for the past ten days?”

“No. That was because of you.”

“Me?”

He got up and took my tray from me, looking me right in the eyes. “You, Ella Porter.”

I shook my head, confused. “But why?”

“Because I'd just dropped in for my annual visit when I noticed you sketching the TARDIS. When you ran away, I followed you at a distance and was dismayed when I realized you were Donna's neighbor.”

Well, that accounted for the manic look when he first spotted me.

He put the tray down and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms. “When I saw Donna come over to your house after you'd injured yourself, I knew that you two were on speaking terms. I feared that you'd show her the sketch of the TARDIS. And then I saw you sketching me from the window. I waited outside her house only out of concern and then outside of yours because I wanted to speak with you about getting rid of the drawings. That's why I approached you in the park, but you ran away from me and then it all escalated into...into this” He waved in my direction. “I never intended for you to get hurt, Ella.”

“You wanted me to destroy my sketches so that Donna wouldn't see them?” I had been planning on showing the drawings of him and the TARDIS to Donna and I suddenly felt a little sick.

He nodded once, his eyes never leaving me. “You understand that your sketches are fatal to her? I need you to get rid of them. You must also never tell her about me and what you've seen or heard here, do you understand?”

“Well, yes, ok...but how do I know this isn't all a lie?” I challenged, suddenly feeling a little angry. “I mean...time travel, space travel... c'mon. That's just science fiction.”

The Doctor snorted in slight derision and tossed his head. “Really? You're going to tell me that you don't believe in aliens or the possibility of interplanetary travel? You yourself witnessed all the planets in the sky when Davros pulled your tiny little world to the Medusa Cascade to build his reality bomb. This very ship put you back and it was _Donna_ who saved you. If it hadn't been for her, you'd be dead along with the rest of your people.”

His words sank in and I really wanted to believe him, but I honestly didn't know what to think. I was still trying to process the accident and my confinement on the TARDIS, but my brain seemed to be working at the speed of thick molasses. “Then...then prove it.”

“If you have to see to believe and trust me, then very well. ” He paused and then quirked an eyebrow. “Well, sort of. The proof about Donna will have to wait.”

“Why?”

He half-smirked. “Can't take a field trip through time and space until you're well enough. But, I can at least show you that I'm not lying about the TARDIS.” The Doctor walked to a closet on the far wall and pulled out a soft blue robe. He brought it over and held it out to me. “Come on, get up.”

“Where are we going?”

“I'm going to show you the ship. You asked me to prove that this is a spaceship, so come on.”

Feeling a bit apprehensive, I pulled the blanket back and slid off the bed before taking the robe from the Doctor. I donned the robe and he made me walk around the medical bay first to make sure that I was ok to leave. The Doctor deemed I was capable of the trip, even though I felt wobbly. He put a supporting arm around my shoulders and led me out the door.

We walked down some strange passages with coral colored metallic walls. I noticed a repeating hexagon design. It certainly didn't look like any place I'd ever been. I still didn't understand how all of it was supposed to fit inside that police box that I'd sketched. We passed several doors and the Doctor was very quiet, just watching me as I shuffled along next to him.

He eventually led me into a huge domed room. There was some kind of control console in the middle on a raised platform. The floor was metal grating and support rails surrounded the platform. Glowing green rods rose up from the center of the console, encased in a clear cylinder. There was a yellow chair off to one side. “This is the control room,” he told me as he helped me up the step and across the platform towards a set of double doors on the far wall. “It's where I fly the TARDIS. Now come on, you've got to see this.” We walked down a short gantry and stopped by a hat rack.

The Doctor reached out and opened the doors. Outside, the sun was high overhead and I heard the chirping of birds. He glanced around, then led me out. We turned and looked at the blue box and my mind whirled in confusion. “...How?” I stammered. “This doesn't make sense. None of that should fit inside there! It's...it's too small. Or maybe it's too big...”

He laughed out loud in pure delight at my reaction. “Bigger on the inside, yep! Isn't it brilliant?”

I didn't answer his question, but turned around and looked across the secluded glade. Just above the treetops, I could see the roof and chimney of my own home. It struck me that if I ran fast enough, I could escape from the Doctor. Freedom was literally only steps away. Except...my house keys were still inside the ship, but I knew where a spare set was hidden in the back garden. Also, my journal was in the Doctor's possession, if that whole story about Donna was even true. But I didn't need it, not really. Why couldn't I just leave now?

But then, that would be breaking our agreement, wouldn't it? The Doctor hadn't been lying about the TARDIS. It really was bigger on the inside, which meant that everything else he'd been telling me was probably true, too (as crazy as it sounded). He'd asked me to trust him and I'd tried. I knew I had to stay. The fact I could barely walk without his help should have been proof enough that I wasn't well enough to leave. Besides, he'd told me one or two more days at the most. My rational mind knew that 48 hours more was not a big deal, but the sight of home was almost too much and I felt the urge to just run. Run and run and run and not look back. But running away was how I'd wound up in this situation in the first place, wasn't it? I knew that was a ridiculous idea. Still, I stared with longing at my chimney and ignored the nagging urge to pull a runner.

The Doctor wasn't stupid, far from it. My silence had only attracted his attention and he'd come up behind me while I contemplated my situation. He followed my gaze and seemed to know what I was thinking. “Ella, don't.” I could hear the quiet resolution in his voice, but there was also a note of warning. I really didn't want to find out what would have happened if I had tried to run.

I felt frustrated tears welling up. The Doctor came around me and put both hands on my shoulders, blocking my view of my house. “It's only two days more, it's really not that long.” I looked into his eyes. He was watching me with a guarded look and I could tell that he didn't trust me not to bolt. A pang of guilt settled in my stomach. “I know you can do this.” The tears started rolling down my face and I shook my head. “Yes, you can. You're going to.” He deliberately turned me around, towards the ship. “Let's just go back inside now.” I let him lead me back to the TARDIS, but I looked over my shoulder to catch one last fleeting glimpse of the roof before the doors closed on creaking hinges and the lock turned with a click.

The Doctor handed me his hankie. “I'm sorry, I just...” My voice caught in a soft sob.

He squeezed my shoulder. “I know, Ella. I want you to be able to go home, too, but not until we've finished here. It's me who should be sorry. I should have known that the sight of home would be difficult for you. I only wanted to prove to you that I'm telling the truth.”

I wiped my tears away and shook my head. “Please don't be sorry. It was necessary for me to see the TARDIS from the outside.” I took a deep breath. “I'll be ok. I just need time to process all of this. It's kind of hard to think straight right now. It's very frustrating because my mind is usually so much clearer.”

He led me across the console room and down the corridor. “That's just the concussion and it will pass soon. I've been through this scenario more times than I can remember, showing people the TARDIS and telling them what I do. It's funny, you know, how some people just accept me and move on, but with others, I have to prove myself. I imagine this must be even more difficult when you've got a concussion and your thoughts are muddled up.”

I was glad that the Doctor understood me. We passed the medical bay and I looked at him in confusion. “I think you're well enough now to leave the infirmary and move to a regular guest room. You should have a nice long soak in the tub first. Heat therapy does wonders for bruising and sore bones. After that, I've got something to show you that I think you'll enjoy. You need to rest, but that doesn't mean you have to stay in bed.”

He took me to a bedroom that had an attached bathroom and left me alone, telling me that I only had to shout if I needed help. The bedroom had the same coral walls as the rest of the ship. A full-sized carved cherry sleigh bed sat against one wall with a matching dresser and wardrobe. There was an overstuffed red chair with a matching footstool and a reading lamp in the corner. I opened the wardrobe and found it was filled with clothes in my size, like magic.

There was a mirror on the inside of the wardrobe door and I took at step back in dismay at my reflection. My hair was a tangled and matted mess. My skin was pale white and dark hollows filled the spaces under my eyes, making me look like an escapee from the mental asylum. I pulled off the robe and gown and turned to look at my back. Enormous purple and red bruises covered most my skin and I could only imagine what it must have looked like earlier before the Doctor had stopped the bleeding and the swelling. The right side looked terrible, like something out of a horror movie. I found a pair of soft lavender lounging pants with a matching top in the wardrobe and underwear before shuffling off to the bathroom.

The bathroom was almost as big as the bedroom. There was an enormous soaking tub in the corner, made from a soft moss green marble shot through with coral colored veining that matched the metallic walls. The stone almost seemed to glow in the soft light. The fixtures were made from burnished copper. An identical green marble sink and vanity occupied the right wall and I found the toilet in a separate room, off to the left. Fluffy green towels sat piled on a table next to the tub. About a dozen different shampoos, bubble baths, and soaps were arranged in a basket next to the towels. “Wow...” I breathed. 

I examined a panel on the wall above the bathtub tap and spent a few moments playing with it. These were the controls for the tub and shower. One touch lowered a clear barrier out of the ceiling in lieu of a shower curtain. Soon, warm water filled the tub and I lowered myself into a sea of fluffy bubbles that smelled vaguely like peaches and cinnamon. The bath soothed my battered and sore body. I turned on the jacuzzi jets, closed my eyes, and let out a slow, deep breath. For the first time since I'd arrived on the TARDIS, I felt completely calm. I was starting to get the feeling that everything really was going to be ok and that in itself was a huge relief. Being afraid and worried had only made me feel worse.

Eventually, I drained the tub and had a regular shower. Getting clean made me feel a million times better. It didn't take me long to brush out my hair and get dressed. I put the silly banana socks back on. The Doctor was waiting for me when I opened my bedroom door. “Oh, you look so much better!” he commented as led me down the corridor to a door. An excited grin crossed his face. “This is what I wanted to show you, to help make the time pass a little faster.”

He opened the door and my jaw almost hit the floor. Inside was a massive library that seemed to go on and on and on. I can't even begin to describe it, but it was the most wonderful and magical place I'd ever seen. At first, I didn't even think it was real, just some kind of illusion. The Doctor took my hand and led me inside. “It's one of the largest libraries in the universe.” I followed him, my head constantly looking up and around at the stories of towering bookshelves and galleries. We stopped at a round table and I saw my glasses, journal, and pens and pencils laid out. “I thought that perhaps writing all of this down would help you process everything, like we spoke about this morning. I don't want you to do anything for the rest of the day but write and rest. Doctor's orders.”

Well, those were orders I could easily follow. I sat down at the table and started this entry.

This is only a small fraction of the Library. I actually had to come back to this over the next few days to finish it. No way I could draw the whole thing!  
  
  
I fell in love with this spiral staircase that was tucked away in the back of the Library.

  
The Doctor mostly left me alone, only interrupting me for lunch and to make sure I wasn't exhausting myself. At one point, though, he sat a few feet away with a pencil box and I could tell he was drawing something, but I didn't know what it was. I was too busy working on my own sketches.

I worked for the rest of the day, until I could feel the pain meds wearing off and weariness setting in. The Doctor came over as I yawned openly. “It's almost time for dinner. Are you hungry?”

I nodded as I slipped my glasses off and rubbed my tired eyes.

“Brilliant. Did writing help? Is your mind clearer?”

I told him it was and he placed a piece of paper down on top of my open journal. “Being nine-hundred and some-odd years old means that I've picked up a few skills here and there. That's one you can add to your journal, if you'd like.” It was a picture that he'd drawn of me while I wrote.

I think the Doctor must have drawn this when I was laughing at my horrible attempts to draw happy banana socks. I think I'll stick to people and architecture.

I smiled because he'd made me look better than I really look right now and tucked it into the journal before following him out for dinner.

He said something about possibly taking me back in time tomorrow.

Can he really do that?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella has a nightmare and struggles with being homesick. The Doctor take her back in time to her own past to prove that he's legit and the Doctor's ability to wipe away memories frightens her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a vague nod to BasMathGirl in the middle. :)

_Selected entries from the personal journal and sketchbook of Dr. Ella Porter, Professor of Art History and amateur artist._

March 13, 2011

I think homesickness must be getting to me. I had a vivid dream last night that none of this had ever happened. I dreamed that I woke up in bed at home and that everything-the accident, the Doctor, the TARDIS-hadn't happened.

In the dream, I got out of bed and looked out the window. Mr. Pinstripes wasn't there. I wrote in my journal, then got dressed and left the house. Donna was outside and just getting into her car. She smiled when she saw me. “Good morning! It's nice to see you out and about!”

I hobbled over, relieved to finally see her. “Good morning, Donna. Look, there's something I need to tell you.”

Donna frowned and glanced at her watch. “I'm just popping off to my mum's for brunch and I'm running a bit behind. Is it terribly important? I could come round this afternoon.”

Yes, it was important that I tell her about Mr. Pinstripes, but I didn't want to keep her from her mother. “Sure, that's fine.”

She cocked her head to the side and studied me for a second. “Are you ok, Ella? You look a bit peaky.”

I shrugged and smiled. “Just tired of being stuck on the couch. I'll be fine. I might even go into work tomorrow. I don't even want to think about the stack of papers that's waiting for me to grade.”

Donna laughed and got into her car. “Don't overtax yourself. I'll see you this afternoon.”

I waved and watched her drive off before heading off to do my shopping. My ankle was sore by the time I returned and I spent the rest of the day reading and planning lessons for my summer term classes. Donna rang the bell and I called for her to come in. She offered to make tea and several minutes later, we settled in for a chat.

I decided to come right to the point. “Have you noticed a tall, lanky fellow hanging about across the street for the last week or so? He wears either a blue or brown pinstripe suit and sometimes he has a brown duster coat on over it. He's got this crazy hair that sort of sticks out.” I wiggled my fingers around above my head. “And sideburns.”

Donna shook her head. “No, I haven't noticed anyone like that.”

Grabbing my journal, I flipped it open to the sketches of Mr. Pinstripes and showed them to her. “That's him. I've had the time to draw him while I've been laid up.” Donna studied the drawings and the strangest expression crossed her face, something between confusion and recognition.

I turned to the drawing of the police box. “The first time I saw him was in the park across the street. You know that little glade in the woodsy part? He was inside this old-fashioned police box. I go over there all the time to sketch the flora and fauna and I've never seen it there before.”

Donna had a haunted look on her face as she looked at my drawings. “You saw him inside...” she murmured.

“Yes, he opened the door and stuck his head out. He looked completely shocked to see me there. Guess he didn't like me drawing his police box, but...Donna?”

She groaned a bit and rubbed her temples. “Sorry, it's the pregnancy. I get these headaches sometimes...” Her eyes narrowed in thought. “He seems...familiar. I don't know why, but I do know him from somewhere.” Donna suddenly sat up straight and her jaw dropped. “I...oh...of course...it's the Doctor...and the TARDIS! How could I forget the Doctor...” I jumped up in alarm as she dropped her head into her hands and screamed in pain before tumbling to the floor.

“No! Donna?!”

She'd crumpled into a heap, rocking back and forth, and gripping her head.

Donna's mobile was in the pocket of her cardigan and I grabbed it. I started to search for Shaun's number, but then called 999 instead. I had no idea what was wrong with her, but I convinced the dispatcher to send an ambulance and then I called Shaun. He was on the other side of town and said he was on his way. Donna had gone completely silent at that point.

“Donna!”

When she didn't respond, I checked her pulse and was shocked when I didn't find one. Rolling Donna onto her back, I saw that she wasn't breathing and I tried to remember my CPR training as I heard the distant sound of sirens.

Everything seemed to slow down as the paramedics arrived and took over. I stumbled back to get out of their way and wound up by the window. I turned and looked to see if Shaun had arrived yet and I saw the man whom she'd named as the Doctor across the street. He was pacing back and forth in agitation as he stared at the flashing lights of the ambulance, a look of disbelief and worry on his face.

Then, he looked up at the window and saw me. His face changed and he fixed me with an expression that I can only describe as unbelievable fury.

This sketch doesn't even come close to the actual look on his face.

  


“ _Ella.”_

  


He hadn't spoken, but I heard his voice and I stepped away from the window, unable to meet his accusatory gaze any longer. I was filled with guilt because he seemed to be blaming me for Donna's collapse. But why? This wasn't my fault!

“ _Wake up, Ella.”_

My eyes flew open with a gasp and I found myself looking up into the shadowed face of the Doctor. I stared at him, unable to move. “Are you all right?” I could hear the worry in his voice.

I didn't answer and my eyes flickered around. I realized I was on the TARDIS and relief flooded through me. Thank god, it had all been a dream.

The room was mostly dark, with the exception of some light that spilled in from the corridor through the open door. The Doctor was backlit, making him appear slightly sinister as he stood there waiting for my answer.

“I think so.” I rubbed my eyes, trying to calm my racing heart.

“Forgive me, I don't usually barge in on my companions like this...not that you're my companion, mind. Guests, I don't barge in on guests. Anyway...” He ran a hand through his hair as he babbled. “Anyway, I heard you call out and I thought you might need help. I knocked on your door and you didn't answer, so I came in and you were tossing and turning. You seemed quite agitated. Was it a nightmare, then?”

I noticed that the sheets and blankets were all twisted around me, damp with perspiration even though it wasn't that hot in the room. “I guess you could call it that.” I blew out a breath of air. “Gosh, I can't remember the last time I had a nightmare.”

“Actually, it's quite common to experience nightmares after a concussion.” The Doctor settled down on the footstool next to the bed. “Would you like to talk about it?”

How the heck was I supposed to tell him about that dream? I could still see the furious look on the dream Doctor's face if I shut my eyes. I shook my head. “I don't know if I can. It was very unpleasant.”

He was quiet for a moment, but he steepled his fingers and rested his elbows on his knees. “You screamed Donna's name.” He paused and raised an eyebrow. “Twice.”

“Oh.” I looked up at the ceiling.

“Considering that you also screamed, 'No,' I'm going to hazard a guess that you dreamed of Donna's death.”

I closed my eyes and sighed. “Yeah.”

He was silent, but when he spoke again, his voice was quiet and gentle. “It was only a dream.”

“I know, but it was so real. I dreamed that none of this,” I waved a hand around me, “had happened.”

“Vivid dreams are normal after a head injury, Ella. Your brain is trying to heal _and_ trying to process what's happened to you on top of everything else. Your mind tried to pretend that you'd never been hurt, but it was also trying to come to terms with what I've told you about Donna. It's a lot to handle, but you're doing well.”

His explanation and praise were meant to reassure me, but I didn't feel any better. The guilt from the dream was still present and before I could stop myself, I muttered, “I'm sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” The Doctor look confused.

I took a deep breath and tried to explain. “You were there. You looked at me like I'm the worst person in the world and laid the blame for her death on me, even though in the dream I didn't _know_ what I'd done wrong.” I shook my head. “I can't get that image out of my head of you looking so furious.”

“It was only a dream,” he repeated. “That wasn't the real me and that also wasn't the real you. There's no reason to be sorry, but if you need forgiveness, then all right.” He took a deep breath and I heard a hint of amusement in his voice and he held a hand up as if he was bestowing a blessing. “I, the real Doctor, completely absolve the nonexistent Ella Porter for accidentally causing the death of the nonexistent Donna Temple-Noble in a vivid dream caused by a head injury sustained by a fall that was, in fact, _my_ fault...oi! Hang on! How did I wind up taking the blame for that nightmare?”

I chuckled. The Doctor seemed to be good at making me laugh.

“Feeling better?”

“Yes, thanks.”

“Excellent.” He stood up. “You've been asleep for over twelve hours. Why don't you get up and have something to eat, then we'll see if you're ready for a short trip. I'm going to prove to you that the TARDIS really can travel through space and time.”

“To where?”

“You'll see.” The Doctor headed for the door. “I'll be in the kitchen when you're ready.”

I got out of bed and rummaged around in the wardrobe for clothing. Wearing regular clothes helped me feel normal again and less like an invalid. I noticed that the Doctor had backed off from hovering over me when he said he'd meet me in the kitchen. That was confirmed when I opened the door and he wasn't there. He was showing me that he trusted me not to run away and I appreciated that.

I found the kitchen and had some breakfast. As I finished my scrambled eggs and toast, the Doctor took the penlight out of his pocket and twiddled it expectantly. He laughed out loud when I shot him an irritated look and grumbled, “This better be the last time.”

“Probably will be since you're feeling well enough to complain about it.” He turned it on and lifted my chin to shine the light into my eyes. “Molto bene! Both eyes are normal again, which means you're getting better. Still, only one trip today. Don't want to overdo it or you could relapse. Come on.”

I followed the Doctor to the control room. He approached the console and I saw that he was almost quivering with excitement. Full of energy, he threw a few levers and flipped switches and tossed a big grin my way. “And we're off!” I was nearly thrown off balance as the ship shuddered and rocked underneath my feet. There was a weird grating and wheezing sound as the green columns in the middle of the console began churning up and down.

“Where are we going?”

“Just a short hop, about five years ago or so. I picked a random date, thought Halloween might be fun.” He looked up and spun a dial as the churning slowed to a stop and I heard a definite _thunk_. He almost skipped to the door, snatching up his brown duster from where he'd thrown it over a strut. Tugging his coat on, he shot an excited smile at me. “October 31, 2006. Santa Barbara, California.”

“Really?”

He shoved the door open and a breeze wafted in. “Really.”

I smelled the unmistakable salty tang of the Pacific ocean. The TARDIS had landed on the beach and I gasped and covered my mouth with both hands. A beautiful sunset filled the western horizon over the ocean and as I stepped outside, my feet sank into soft yellow sand. “Oh my god, I'm home.”

“Kind of. It's your home in the past. Not quite the same as your home in the present...which is the future now...oh.” He blew out an annoyed breath. “ Human language tenses just don't work well with time travel. That's why we have so many in Gallifreyan.” He stepped out behind me and shut the door, locking it with a key, then came up next to me. “It's very dangerous to cross your own time stream, but I'm doing this because I want you know I'm the genuine article when it comes to time travel. You absolutely _cannot_ interact with yourself. We're here to observe yourself in the past so you can see that I'm not lying and then we're leaving. Understood?”

“I understand. So...Halloween 2006. Where was I?” I searched my memory and then smiled when I remembered. “Oh, I know _exactly_ where I was that night.” I looked out at the sunset. “It's probably around 5:30. Come on.”

I led the Doctor away from the beach to a noisy street lined with pubs and small businesses. Costumed revelers filled the sidewalks and there was a festive mood in the air. “It's too bad we didn't wear costumes. We kind of stick out.”

“Didn't think about that!” The Doctor looked around and then grabbed my hand, pulling me up onto the front stoop of a closed business. “Here, give me your hoodie.” I'd worn a navy blue hoodie that I had found in the wardrobe. The Doctor had already started pulling off his brown overcoat.

“What? Why?”

He grinned. “Costumes. Take your hair down. You can be Janis Joplin and I rather ironically will be your stalker.”

I was wearing a flowered peasant top and blue jeans and I started to giggle, but caught myself. For a last minute costume, it wasn't too shabby. We exchanged coats and I let my hair hang down around my face. “You take care of that coat now,” he warned me as he pulled the hoodie on and zipped it up. He's so skinny that it was a bit baggy on him. “Janis Joplin actually gave it to me.” He flipped the hood up, then pulled his glasses and a cylindrical device from his suit jacket pocket. The Doctor put the glasses on and aimed the device at them. The tip glowed blue, there was a strange whistling sound, and the lenses turned dark so that they became sunglasses. He shut off the device and wiggled it, smirking at my astonished face.

“What is that thing?”

“Sonic screwdriver. Very handy little tool.” He put it away and looked around. “So, where is Dr. Ella Porter right now?”

I pointed down the way at O'Banion's Irish Pub. “Dr. Ella Porter is not a doctor yet. She won't be for another seven months. And she's there, at a Halloween party.”

We set off down the street. I'm tall for a woman, but the Doctor's got a good four inches on me and I had to hold up the hem of the coat to prevent it from dragging behind me. We entered the pub and stood against a wall to stay out of the way. An Irish band played tunes in the corner in front of a small dance floor. The place was full already, even though it was early. It was dark inside, making it easy for us to stay inconspicuous.

The Doctor looked around, studying the faces of the patrons, and frowned. “I don't see you.” I started laughing and I saw his eyebrow raise over the shades. “What's so funny?”

“I'm right over there, at the end of the bar.” I pointed and he pulled the glasses down to look over them. His eyes narrowed and looked confused. “In the Renaissance dress?”

“Yep.” I smirked. “God, I hated that thing. You try doing the Hokey Pokey in a farthingale. Also, it's next to impossible to breathe properly.” Younger me turned and picked up a pint of Harp. She was dressed in an elaborate deep scarlet Renaissance dress. There was a ridiculous ruff that flopped stiffly around her neck. I cracked up as she pushed it down, looking annoyed, to take a drink. “And that ruff was a pain.”

“They generally are.” He gasped and looked between younger me and present-day me. "You're dressed as Elizabeth the First?”

“Yep!” I was pleased that he'd recognized the costume.

God, I hated that costume. I think you can tell from that look on my face. Not. Happy.

“I was there when she posed for the Hampden portrait. Or maybe that was both of us posing. I don't quite remember. But the ruff just itched something awful.”

“Really?” I wondered who else he'd met on his travels besides Elizabeth I and Janis Joplin. I'd come to believe that he really was a time traveler at this point. The street outside was exactly as I'd remembered it five years ago. I'd even spotted some of my former classmates and students.

The Doctor looked slightly uncomfortable. “That's not something I'm likely to forget anytime soon.”

I decided not to ask. A guy with an impressive goatee who was also dressed in elaborate Renaissance clothing walked up to younger me and kissed her. I cracked up laughing. “Oh, god,” I groaned.

The Doctor gasped. “Are you snogging Sir Walter Raleigh?”

“Oh, unfortunately. That's Rodney. He was my fiancee. A bunch of the students from the history department decided to dress up as historical figures. He decided that we were going as Elizabeth and Sir Walter Raleigh.” I watched as Rodney and younger me started talking and I shook my head. “Rodney's doctoral thesis tried to prove that Elizabeth wasn't the Virgin Queen. He had the craziest idea that she was secretly married. To be honest, he was kind of the laughing stock of the history department. Anyway, it's all rubbish. Everyone knows Elizabeth never married.”

The Doctor looked even more uncomfortable and he cleared his throat. I looked up at him and saw that he was trying to work an unconvincing innocent expression onto his face. I stared at him. “Wait...are you telling me that she did? Rodney was right?”

“Um...” The Doctor's voice rose about three pitches and he took my hand. “No ring, so I take that you didn't marry him?”

I pulled my hand away and crossed my arms. “Come on, spill the beans. I had to endure way too many nights of that basketcase over there ranting about how history was all wrong about the Virgin Queen. Whom did she marry?”

The Doctor blushed and muttered under his breath, “Me.”

I was floored. “What?”

“It was a huge misunderstanding, believe me!” He cleared his throat. “Anyway!”

I studied him for a moment and I had to ask. “Is that the norm? I mean, going back in time and shagging...”

“Anyway!” he hissed and pointed at Rodney. “So...you and he never married?”

I jerked my thumb at a dark haired petite woman in another Renaissance dress who was doing a drunken jig on the dance floor. “No. He cheated with Mary Queen of Scots over there during the Christmas break. I called it off.”

“Blimey. Serves him right for not staying in the queen's favor.”

I snickered. “I'm not sorry.” I put my hand on his arm and he looked down at me. “Look, I'm convinced, Doctor. I believe you. I still can't believe _it,_ but I do believe that you can travel in time.”

He grinned at me, pleased. “Terrific. Let's get back to the TARDIS then.” He offered his arm to me.

“With a stalker? That's just all kinds of awesome.”

We returned to the ship and exchanged coats again. I was feeling a bit tired after our field trip, so the Doctor sent me off for a nap. He told me to meet him in the kitchen again after I'd rested. I went off to my room, thinking how strange it had been to see myself in the past with Rodney. I know that marrying him would have been a huge mistake. While it was painful at the time, I know that I made the right decision. I haven't found anyone since him, but that's ok.

I fell asleep and woke up an hour or so later. As I navigated the labyrinthine corridors of the TARDIS, I thought back to what the Doctor had told me about Donna the day before. He said he'd been forced to erase her memories. Something about that really bothered me and I was curious to know how he'd done it. While I was starting to trust the Doctor, there was something so...I can't really find the right word for it. Mysterious? Enigmatic? Alien? Yes, that's it. There was something so alien about him that frightened me because he looks exactly like a human being and yet he seems to have powers that no human possesses. It's disconcerting.

I couldn't shake the thought that if he could erase Donna's memories, he could erase mine as well. I didn't like that idea at all. I was a huge risk to Donna, I knew that. To protect her, the easiest solution for him would be to tamper with my mind so that I never remembered him and to destroy the drawings. My steps slowed as I approached the kitchen and I felt fear and unease rise in my stomach. Was that what he was going to do to me in the end? Heal me physically and then just wipe my mind? Was I going to wind up like Donna, with a chunk of my life suddenly missing?

We hadn't spoken about the drawings since yesterday. I recalled his words, “I need you to destroy the drawings.” I knew we needed to discuss all of this, but I found it hard to enter the kitchen. The wave of homesickness I'd felt yesterday came back, but I ignored it because I knew I'd be going home tomorrow...whether I remembered it or not.

I took a deep breath and walked in. The Doctor was just setting a plate of scones on the table. “There you are!” he greeted me and gestured for me to sit down. “Just in time for tea!”

I sank onto the bench and stared at the plate, biting my lower lip in thought. The Doctor turned to the counter and started to boil the water. “Ella, is something the matter?”

Yes, something was very much the matter, but I didn't know how to ask him and I said as much.

The Doctor dumped a bunch of loose tea into a bright blue teapot. “It's usually best to just ask. No need to tap dance around the question.”

I poked at a scone with my finger and sighed. “It's what you told me about erasing Donna's memories.”

“What about it?”

“How did you do it?”

“It's an ability that Time Lords have. Among other things, we can read the minds and affect the memories of, forgive me for saying it, but beings with lesser evolved minds. That includes humans.”

I went very still. “Oh.”

The kettle began to whistle and the Doctor pulled it off the burner. “Does that scare you, Ella?”

“Yes.” I pursed my lips and looked off at a hutch that held a bunch of different kitchsy mugs from around the universe.

“Why? Are you frightened that I'm going to do something to your mind?”

I hazarded a sideways glance at him. “Yeah. I don't see why you don't just erase my memories of you and the TARDIS to protect Donna.”

He dumped the water into the teapot and raised an eyebrow. “I don't make a habit of tampering with people's heads. In Donna's case, it was to save her life. I couldn't let her die and it was the only alternative.” He looked at me as he carried the teapot and two cups to the table. The Doctor sat down opposite of me. “When you were hurt, I could have erased your memories, destroyed the drawings, and called an ambulance. It would have been very easy and all my problems would have been solved. I admit that the thought crossed my mind, but I chose not to take that option.”

A shiver ran down my spine. “Why not?”

The Doctor folded his hands and rested his chin on them. “I don't like messing with people's minds and it's a power I use sparingly. I decided to bring you here because it was the only way to protect all three of us. I couldn't have you telling the police about me, which is what would have happened if you'd gone to A&E with your memories intact. I also couldn't have you telling Donna or showing her the drawings. My only recourse to protect her and myself and also heal your injuries, which I had caused, was to bring you here.” He looked me right in the eyes. “Please believe me when I say that I am _not_ going to wipe your memory, Ella.”

I met his gaze. “So you trust that I'm going to stay quiet about you and the TARDIS?”

“Yes.”

“But why? You barely know me!”

His eyes never left mine. “I know because you're a good person. You'd never intentionally harm someone. I saw how horrified you were this morning when you woke up from that dream, that's proof enough. You have a strong sense of morals and you always try to do what's right.” He shifted and his voice became softer. “Ella Porter is also lonely. Living in England has been exciting, but it's been difficult making friends. Donna was the first person you've met who has shown any interest in being friends and you don't want to jeopardize that.”

I was shocked that the Doctor knew so much about me because I hadn't told him much about myself. “How did you know all that?”

A small smile crossed his face. “I did a little research about you.” I started in shock. “Please don't be upset, Ella! I had to know what kind of a person I was dealing with. I have to protect Donna and if I had any sort of inkling that I thought you'd harm her, I would have erased your memories without hesitation, no matter how much I don't like doing it.”

I took a deep breath. “Research? From where? How could you know? I mean, besides what you saw on our trip this morning.”

“You like to ask Professor Google when you need information. I had to go right to the only source available to me. ”

I never say that expression out loud, I only use it when I write. Indignation filled me. “You've read my journal!”

I expected him to look contrite, but he didn't. “I only did it to learn more about you and find out how much you know about Donna.”

My angry glare didn't seem to phase him at all. “That's private! You had no right!”

He pressed his hands flat against the table. “I had every right to know what kind of a person I was dealing with and if that meant violating your privacy, then so be it. Donna's life is more important. When you were injured, I didn't know anything about you. I read your journal, the very object that threatens Donna's safety, so that I could learn more. Ella, reading your journal strongly influenced my decision to leave your memory intact.”

I realized that the only reason I'd come out of this unscathed was because of my journal. I was less upset now that I knew. I'd much rather he read my journal than mess around in my brain. There are thoughts and memories inside my mind that I've never dared to write down, but he would have seen them. Reading my mind would be a much greater violation than reading my journal.

I also realized how difficult this must have been for him. I'd disrupted his life in more ways than one, but he'd never once treated me like a burden. He was taking a huge risk trusting me with Donna's life and I felt grateful. “Thank you for not wiping my mind and for taking care of me. It would have been easier to wipe my mind and take me to A&E and I know I must seem like a huge pain in the ass.”

He shrugged. “Well...I've never been one to choose the easy path. And really, it's been nice to have someone else on the TARDIS again, even if she has spent most of her time sleeping.”

“Hey!”

The Doctor laughed openly as he poured out the tea.

This is the first picture I've drawn when he's laughing. The Doctor has an infectious grin and his whole face just lights up when he laughs.

I think I'm starting to understand how wonderful and weird life with the Doctor must be. I don't think it's for me, but I can picture Donna absolutely loving every minute of it. I'm so sorry that she had to lose her memories of her time with him.

The Doctor said he doesn't want to risk crossing any more personal time streams, but there are two places he wants to take me to tomorrow to prove that what he told me about Donna is true. Obviously, I believe him already (but I haven't said anything!).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days later, Ella is still having nightmares and can't sleep, but is excited that she gets to go home. The Doctor takes her back in time to show her how he met Donna on Christmas Day. Ella overdoes it and has to make some difficult decisions.

_Selected entries from the personal journal and sketchbook of Dr. Ella Porter, Professor of Art History and amateur artist._

March 15, 2011

Two days later...oh boy.

I didn't sleep well at all the night before last. I kept having nightmares and finally just gave up trying to sleep and tossed and turned until I was sick of being in bed. My one happy thought was that I was going home. I just wanted things to be normal again...no enigmatic Doctor, no dimensionally confused spaceships, no weird trips through time and space. Call me boring, but I don't really like adventures. My best friend, Lily, used to accuse me of being a hobbit and I'm pretty sure she was right. Adventures are all fine and dandy, as long as I'm home in time for dinner.

The happy thought of going home helped propel me out of bed and I checked my back in the wardrobe mirror. It looked a little better. The skin was less purple, black, and red and turning more green and yellow, sort of like a rainbow puked all over me. Ew, gosh. Sorry for that visual.

Anyway, I got dressed and made my way to the Control Room. The Doctor was sitting in the yellow chair, feet up on the console, and reading a magazine. I didn't recognize any of the alien characters on the cover, but to my astonishment, the letters reformed as I walked up into English. I was completely taken aback. “Huh?!”

The Doctor looked up at me. “Good morning, Ella.” He studied me and frowned. “Are you ok? You look tired.”

“I am. Didn't sleep too well again. How did it do that?” I pointed at the magazine and he flipped it over to look at the cover. “That was all gibberish a moment ago and now I can read it.”

He grinned before explaining, “That would be the TARDIS' translation circuit.” He sat up and patted the console fondly. “The old girl translates alien languages for us through a telepathic field, both written and spoken.”

“So we could go to China and we'd be able to understand the Chinese? I don't speak Mandarin.”

“Yep!” The Doctor then frowned and shook his head. “Except I'm not too keen to go to China at this point in history. Not exactly a welcoming place, though I've been to worse places. _Much_ worse. But, if you want to go to China, I'd recommend the Han Dynasty. Some major scientific and technological breakthroughs came about during that time.” He jumped up from the seat and threw the magazine over his shoulder so that it landed in a careless heap somewhere behind him. “Right, I promised you proof that Donna really traveled with me. Are you ready, then? Off we go!” The Doctor started flipping switches and pressing buttons.

“To where?”

“London, Christmas 2006.”

“Almost five years ago? That was before I moved to England.” The rods in the center started grinding up and down and I grabbed the edge of the circular console as the ship shuddered beneath my feet.

“Oh, so you missed the giant Christmas star over London?”

“I heard about it. I also missed the giant spaceship and the flying Titanic. Were all of those you?”

His eyebrows shot up. “Not me per se...” he drawled. “Well, I was flying the Titanic, but it was to keep it from crashing and going nuclear on the planet.”

“Geez. You sure know how to party at Christmastime, don't you?”

The Doctor let out a small chuckle as the ship landed and he strode towards the doors. I followed after him and he turned to me. “Same rules as before, Ella. We cannot interact with Donna or myself, lest we permanently alter the time lines and change history. We're here simply as observers.”

I fired off a mock-salute. “Right. No interference, I gotcha.”

The door opened and I saw that we were parked in a quiet alley in the early afternoon. The Doctor lead me through several side streets until we emerged on a thoroughfare bustling with last-minute Christmas shoppers. He looked around and stepped into the shadows behind a large street directory, pulling me behind him. “Watch right over there,” he whispered in my ear and pointed towards another alleyway. “Donna and myself should be appearing any...ah! Just in time!”

I watched as an irate ginger bride came storming around the corner with a familiar harried Time Lord in her wake. She was clearly Donna, but I was confused. “What?! But...that can't be right! Donna and Shaun were married only last year!”

“She was engaged to a bloke named Lance at the time.”

“What happened?”

“Um...he died. He was working for the Racnoss.”

Donna and the other Doctor appeared to be trying to hail taxis with no success. “What's a Racnoss?”

“She is...was...an ancient spider empress. That Christmas star was her spaceship.”

“Yeesh. So what's with the frantic gesticulating at cabbies?”

  
TAXI!!!!  
Actually, I didn't get a good enough look at her dress to capture all the details, but I did notice she was wearing running shoes. Running shoes...under her wedding dress? Wish I could ask her about that...

“Trying to get her back to her wedding.” The Doctor told me how Lance had been dosing her with thingamajiggies called Huon particles and something about excited hormones and Donna had appeared on his TARDIS when he was in deep space.

“So that's how you met?”

“Yep. She slapped me.” He sniffed in indignation. “Rather hard, too, if I recall. Thought I'd kidnapped her. Sound familiar, Ella?” He paused. “Hang on! You tried to slap me, too!”

“I was half-delirious at the time. It was natural that I tried to hit you. Besides,” I nudged him with my elbow,“you have a very slappable face.”

“Oi! What's that supposed to mean?!”

I giggled as I watched the Doctor and Donna get booted out of a taxi and race to a phone booth, where the Doctor used his sonic screwdriver so Donna could make a call. He raced to a nearby ATM, where he did an impatient dance as he waited for another guy to finish using the machine. I laughed. “You look like you have to use the loo!”

There was silence behind me before I heard him say, “Blimey, I do! I was impatient to get the mad ginger woman back to her wedding and out of my life so I could figure out what was wrong with the TARDIS.”

Meanwhile, Donna had borrowed some money from a passing woman and hopped into a taxi, where she yelled something rude at the Doctor before driving off.

“Watch this now,” the Doctor mumbled. “It's important. These guys were being controlled by the Racnoss as well.”

I noticed a couple of members of a brass band nearby. They were all dressed as Father Christmas, complete with creepy jolly masks that concealed their faces. The band members suddenly leveled their instruments at the Doctor like they were guns and he looked shocked. He aimed the sonic at the ATM and it began spewing bank notes by the thousands. I clapped my hand over my mouth as I busted into laughter. There was complete chaos as people ran for the flying pounds and the Doctor made a quick getaway back down the alley.

  
Creepy robot Santas!

  
“So, what do you think?”

“I think you're bonkers!” I said through my chuckles. “That was the weirdest thing I've ever seen!”

The Doctor laughed with me. “It is pretty funny now that I see it in hindsight. Come on, Ella. Let's get back to the TARDIS.”

We stepped out from behind the sign and started for the alley while the pandemonium next to the ATM continued. We hadn't gone more than ten steps when the Doctor grabbed my hand and bellowed, “Run, Ella!”

I found myself being dragged behind him as he raced away from the street. There was a sudden explosion about ten feet away from me and I reeled from the concussive force. “What the f...?”

“Robot Santas! They think I'm my former self and they're after me!” he called over his shoulders. “Move it!”

“I'm trying!” I panted, sprinting after him. Another explosion rocked the alley and the world spun, but I tried to ignore it. The Doctor is very tall and can run like you wouldn't believe. I'm not in terrible shape and normally the run wouldn't have winded me, but I was still recovering from the accident. I could barely keep up with him and I found myself going dizzy from the effort. My ribs immediately started aching and I knew I needed to stop and catch my breath, but there wasn't a chance. It was only the Doctor half-pulling me that kept me vertical and moving.

I was so relieved when I spied the blue police box and the Doctor let go of my hand to fish around inside his trouser pocket for the key. I leaned against the TARDIS breathing painfully, one arm clutching my ribcage as he opened the door. We hurried inside just as the mad robot Santas appeared in the alleyway and the Doctor slammed the doors.

There was a look of pure manic glee on his face as he strode up the gantry to the console and started the ship up. “Aw, that was fun! You know, I thought I remembered hearing an explosion when old me was running back to the other TARDIS, but I didn't have time to investigate. Had to rescue Donna from the robot Santa cabbie. Now we know what caused it, eh?” He didn't wait for me to answer as he barreled forward in his babbling. “I promised I'd show you space! Where to, though? Oh, I know! The Harfidian Nebula. It's terrific! You'll love it!”

“You're...bonkers!” I wheezed, leaning against the railing. The ship shuddered under my feet as the Doctor sent her into flight. My legs had turned to jelly, my head was pounding, and my ribs just burned. It was a little soon for me to go out for a brisk jog in the backstreets of London.

I heard the Doctor come up behind me. “You probably shouldn't be dashing about like that, but it couldn't be helped. Are you all right?”

“I just need to rest for a bit,” I gasped through gritted teeth as a stabbing pain shot through my torso, “before you take me home.”

The Doctor asked what hurt, so I told him and he slid an arm around my shoulders to lead me down the corridor. “The Harfidian Nebula can wait. Let's get you to bed. You're having a relapse.”

I noticed that he had ignored my comment about going home. “Aren't you going to take me home?” He was silent and I tried quell the rising tide of fear that arose inside me. “Doctor?” I dug my heels in and ground myself to a halt, forcing him to stop along with me.

“Now what kind of question is that, Ella?” he admonished. “Of course I will.” There was an insistent press on my shoulders, but I refused to budge.

“When?”

“When you're better.”

“But I am better.”

“Better than you were, yes, but that little jaunt made you take a turn for the worse.” I could hear the guarded sound in his voice and my heart sank because I was pretty sure I knew what that meant. My suspicions were confirmed when he took a deep breath and added, “You might need to hang around for a bit more before I'm comfortable letting you leave.”

“'Letting me leave?'” I echoed even as the world swam again.

My knees suddenly gave way and the Doctor caught me under the shoulders. “Whoops a daisy!” I struggled to find my feet, but he shook his head. “No, don't try to walk. Allons-y!” In one fluid motion, he lifted me up into his arms. I colored in embarrassment from having to be carried as he started back down the corridor towards my room. “We can talk about your going home later. For now, it's time for beddy-bye.”

_I don't want to go to bed!_ I mentally whined like a small child, but I held it in. Arguing and complaining wasn't going to get me anywhere, but that didn't stop me from feeling frustrated and upset. Tears instantly sprang to my eyes and I struggled to keep them at bay. _Damn it, I am not going to cry!_ I swear, I've done more crying this past week than I have in the last ten years. It's embarrassing!

The Doctor looked down into my face, saw the tears welling up in my eyes, and a sympathetic expression crossed his face. “I don't like this any more than you do.” His voice had gone quiet again. “Now don't you start crying or you'll have me blubbering along with you. Have you ever see a nine hundred year old Time Lord cry?” He mock-sniffed and a watery tone crept into his voice, despite the fact that his eyes were sparkling with amusement. “It's not pretty. Downright undignified, that's what it is.”

I know he was trying to make me smile, but it wasn't working this time. I remained silent as he carried me back to my room and set me down on the bed. I kicked my flats off. “I don't think it was just the running, Ella. I suspect part of your relapse was caused by lack of sleep. Not being able to rest adequately has impaired your brain's ability to recover. Try to relax. I'll be back in a few minutes.” His footsteps moved off and I pulled my glasses off, burying my face in the pillow. I finally let the tears come. It was true. I hadn't been sleeping well at all, but I never imagined that lack of sleep would cause me to collapse as quickly as I had.

When is this going to end? When am I going to go home? I feel like my body is in complete rebellion. I'm convinced about Donna and I'll get rid of this journal, if that's what the Doctor wants me to do. It's not what I want, but I know she has to be protected. I think I know a way that will make both of us happy, but I haven't had a chance to discuss it with the Doctor. I suppose that will have to wait.

Anyway, the pain had subsided somewhat by the time the Doctor returned. I was very tired, but I figured trying to sleep was futile. I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep for long from the nightmares that have been plaguing my dreams.

Wiping my tears away, I looked up at him as he sat down on the edge of my bed. The Doctor rested his elbows on his knees and steepled his fingers. “You're not going to like what I have to say, but I'm not going to sugarcoat this for you. Ella, I'm going to send you into a recuperative, healing sleep and that means staying here for a while longer. You'll be under too deep to have nightmares. You're not well enough to be left alone and I know there's no one in London to watch out for you. If you had a partner or a roommate, someone you trusted to keep an eye on you, I'd be willing to let you return. You're stuck with me for the time being.”

  
The Doctor gives me a choice, one I don't like very much.

He was right that I didn't like what he had to say, but he continued to speak before I could get a word in. “How that sleep happens is up to you. I can give you a soporific. You'll be out for about eighteen hours.” He held up his hands and waggled his fingers. “Or, I can use my mental abilities to send you into slumber, much like a healing trance, for the same amount of time.”

I knew he was right about needing to sleep, but I didn't like either of his suggestions. “So you're either going to drug me or mess with my head?”

The Doctor grimaced at my words. “I wouldn't be messing with your head. Sleep induction happens very quickly. It's actually faster than the soporific and I wouldn't be so impertinent to look into your memories, I promise. Either way, the choice is yours.”

“And if I refuse?”

He shrugged. “You have that option as well. I won't force you to go to sleep, but...” the Doctor raised an eyebrow, “if you're not getting the rest you need, then your body won't heal and you're more likely to suffer another relapse. That means staying with me for even longer. I know you don't want to hear me say this, but I'm not going to let you leave until I'm sure you're well enough to be left alone. I can't in good consciousness risk your safety, not when this was ultimately my fault. You want to go home and it seems to me that the best way to make that happen is to go comatose for a while so you can rest and recover.”

I looked away. All I could think about was Donna and the conversation that the Doctor and I had the day before. I didn't like the idea of him going into my mind, not at all, not even if it was to help me. After all, he'd claimed he was 'helping' Donna when he erased her memories. Even though he'd promised not to go into my memories, there was no freaking way that I was going to allow him into my head. Not willingly. That left me only one alternative.

“Ok,” I sighed. “Drugs it is.” I didn't feel like I needed to explain why and he didn't ask.

The Doctor suggested that I change into pajamas for my long sleep. He brought me a pair from the wardrobe before stepping into the hall and closing the door to give me some privacy. I didn't trust my feet to stand up because I still felt very dizzy, but I managed to don the pajamas. I found myself yawning as I called the Doctor back in, surprised at how tired I was since I'd only been up for about two hours.

He came back in and pulled the covers back on the bed before withdrawing a familiar looking futuristic needle-free hypodermic from his pocket (well, I say needle free...the Doctor told me that it uses millions of microscopic needles that permeate the skin, but they're so tiny that you can't feel them). I really wish I knew where he got those things from, they're so much better than anything we've got on this planet.

  
The Doctor let me sketch one of those futuristic hypodermics.

The Doctor asked me to lie on my side. I did so and he pushed up the short sleeve of my jammies. He pressed the syringe to my arm as he said, “Don't fret, Ella. One long sleep may be all you need to go home. Night-night.”

There was a rush of cold and a strong wave of sleepiness came over me. My eyelids drooped and then everything went black.

I woke up nineteen hours, thirty-four minutes, and sixteen seconds later. At least, that's what the Doctor told me. He set the TARDIS to notify him when I regained consciousness. All I know is that when I finally came to, I _really_ had to go to the bathroom! I stumbled into the en suite and the Doctor was just poking his head into the room when I returned less than a minute later. I crashed back down onto the bed and dropped my head into my hands, feeling a bit sloshed for some weird reason.

The Doctor came over to me. “How do you feel?”

“Drunk. What was in that stuff?” I slurred.

The corner of his mouth tugged up into a grin. “About that...I probably should have warned you about the side effects. It can make you feel a little inebriated, but it will pass in a little while.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a water bottle. “Drink this, it will help.” He held out a bottle of water and I took it from him. Or tried to take from him. I think it took me three or four swipes in his direction before I succeeded.

As I chugged down the water, he asked, “Other than slightly pickled, are you feeling better?”

I nodded, realizing that I felt the best the I had in days. A long rest was just what I'd needed (even if I felt sloshed afterward). “Can I g..go home now?” I remembered what he'd said about having a long sleep.

“Not just yet. It's probably best if you rest a bit and then do something quiet, like watch a movie in the library or catch up on your journal. Speaking of your journal, we need to talk about that.”

I nodded. “That had cr..crossed my mind. I th...think I have an idea...”

“And I'd love to hear it, but let's save it for tomorrow when you're a bit more lucid.”

I held back an irritated sigh. Forming coherent thoughts was a bit hard thanks to the drugs. The Doctor then dragged me off to the kitchen, where I found a steaming In-N-Out burger, animal style, with fries and a strawberry milkshake sitting on the table. I stared in shock at the food.

The Doctor laughed out loud. “It was in your journal from Christmas, when you couldn't afford to go home for the holidays. You said you were sad that you couldn't go home because you had a bad craving for In-N-Out burger, so I thought I'd help get rid of the craving even if it's about two and half months too late. I made a little hop back to California while you slept.”

“I think I'm starting to understand the benefits of time travel. Thanks, Doctor.” I tried not to cry again as I sat down, but they were tears of joy. I hadn't had In-N-Out burger in almost two years.

After dinner, I headed to the library to catch up with my journal and contemplate whether the Doctor will go along with my idea or not.

I hope so. I really don't want to have to leave this behind or destroy it when I finally do get to leave.

I don't understand the Doctor. Not at all, but I guess that's to be expected. No duh, Ella. He's an alien. I've mentioned before that he seems human most of the time.

But he scares me. Despite his kindness, despite his silly nature, there's something so dark about him. I can't put my finger on what it is. It's a look he gets in his eyes sometimes. The day I saw him walking up to me, his expression was one of ominous resolution. It was terrifying. Is it any wonder that I ran away? What's happened in his life to put that kind of look in his eyes? It was more than just being worried about Donna. What's in his past? I want to ask him, but I know that it's none of my business.

Frankly, I'm not sure that I want to know.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella finds something in the TARDIS that frightens her, flees the TARDIS, and goes into hiding from the Doctor.

_Selected entries from the personal journal and sketchbook of Dr. Ella Porter, Professor of Art History and amateur artist._

March 17, 2011

I'm at the Tower of London and I'm on the run.

Wow, that would sound so cool if it weren't the truth.

Yep, I'm on the run from a Time Lord and still trying to figure out what to do.

So I guess it must have been just before dawn. I couldn't sleep for having another round of nightmares and I found myself longing for my own bed. I decided to speak to the Doctor then and there about this journal, agree on a decision as to its fate, and then he could take me home. It seemed so practical, so straightforward, so _easy_ that I jumped out of bed. Dressing quickly, I set out in search for the Doctor.

The TARDIS is huge. I'm not sure even the Doctor knows how big it is, but I guess that's what happens when your spaceship exists in a relative dimension (don't even ask me to explain that...I'm not sure I even understand how it works). I checked his usual haunts. The control room, the Library, and the kitchen were all empty. I even ventured into the medical bay. Feeling frustrated, I decided to check the other rooms. The Doctor hadn't told me that I couldn't go exploring and I was a little curious as to what wonders the ship held, in spite of my desire to go home. I wandered around down random corridors, opening doors, and calling the Doctor's name. I found a garden (which I wished I'd had more time to explore), a sauna, a room full of pink pillows (don't think I want to know), and an observatory of all things! But no Time Lord.

I felt exhausted and was just about to head back and try to get some more shut-eye, when a black door at the end of the corridor caught my eye. Curious, I sidled up to it. I had the strangest foreboding feeling that I shouldn't touch that door and in retrospect, I really wish I'd heeded my instincts. The door opened at my light touch and I stepped inside.

The room was enormous and domed, bigger than the control room. Tiny portraits covered every inch of the floor and walls, disappearing up into the curved apex of the ceiling high above my head. I stepped over to the closest wall and examined the pictures. They were photographs of people, each tiny portrait about an inch high and framed in gold filigree. Below the pictures were curious circular symbols in silver and I presumed it was some sort of writing.

I stepped back and looked around, spinning in a slow circle to take it all in. Confusion filled me as I pondered the purpose of the room. What _was_ this place?

An altar sat in the middle of the room and I moved closer to examine it. It was about four feet high and six feet long, made of some kind of black stone that reminded me of onyx. There was a strange symbol carved into the top. It looked like an elaborate figure eight or infinity symbol. The surface of the altar was highly polished and I could see my reflection in it as I laid my hands on top, gasping as it was freezing cold.

  
The weird symbol on the altar.

I snatched my hands away and jumped back in fright as an orange-red planet suddenly appeared in the air above the altar, projected from an unseen source. The world spun slowly and I made out vast continents. Suddenly, words appeared and swirled around the planet. I read them out loud, my voice echoing around the empty chamber. “People of Gallifrey, it was out of necessity that I ended your lives and I will always carry your memories with me. ---The Doctor.”

An icy chill swept down my spine, the cold in my hands from the altar spreading through my body. I took a few more steps back and the image of Gallifrey winked out. Turning in a slow circle again, I regarded the countless pictures. There had to be millions, maybe billions of them. All of them staring. All of them dead. The Doctor had murdered them all.

“Oh my god.” My whisper fluttered quietly around the chamber and suddenly I couldn't stand to be in there anymore. This place was a memorial, a tomb. I started running, my feet taking me back to my room. I burst through door and plopped down onto my bed, breathing hard and shaking from fright. The Doctor had committed genocide.

At the same time, I found it hard to believe that the Doctor was capable of doing such a terrible thing. He was so funny and kind. He'd gone out of his way to take care of me when I was hurt. I had such a good time with him on those little outings when he was so keen to prove to me that he was telling the truth. I'd had the feeling that he'd been nothing but honest with me the whole time. Was he really the kind of person who could kill another living creature?

Then I remembered the dark look that I'd caught in his eyes, the one that disturbed me and a shudder ran down my spine. If it came down to it...yes, I did believe that he could kill and probably had. All I could think was that if he was willing to kill billions of his own kind, what was going to stop him from taking a pathetic little human life? My thoughts turned to Donna. Had she been fortunate escaping with merely with just her memories erased? How many of the Doctor's other companions had died or suffered a horrible fate at his hands? I was overcome with the feeling that my life was in danger and I had to get away from him as fast and as quietly as possible.

I think I was working on autopilot. I stood, shoved my journal into my bag, grabbed my purse, and just started walking. I wanted out of the TARDIS. I just wanted to get _away_. I passed through the control room, the anxiety rising as I saw it was empty. As I approached the double doors of the TARDIS, I expected to hear the sound of his trainers on the grating, a question shouted after me. But, there was nothing. I stopped in front of the doors and the thought that this was too easy flickered through my brain, but I dismissed it. I'd assumed that he'd taken us back to the park and I saw that I was right, as the greenery of the glade was revealed to my eyes as I opened the door.

I didn't hesitate. I had the good sense to at least close the door as quietly as possible. And then I started running through the darkness. I didn't go to my house because I didn't know how long I had before he'd come after me and I knew he would. My feet carried me out of the park and to the shopping district nearby. My footsteps didn't slow as I looked back at the park.

For a split second, I thought about going back and leaving the journal behind, but he might catch me coming back in and then there'd be questions and I didn't want to face him. I felt unsure of what to do, so I did what the English always seem to do in a time of crisis: I went for a cup of tea.

I've gotten to know the proprietors of the local cafe around the corner from my house fairly well. The lights were blazing even though the sun hadn't risen yet. I slipped inside and headed for a booth in the back corner where I wasn't visible from the street, ordering a cup of tea and a plate of scones from Millie, the waitress. I curled my knees up into my chest after Millie brought my food and closed my eyes. The familiar sound of the BBC on the corner telly, the clinking of cutlery, the smell of bacon frying in grease...all of it was tangible reminders that I was _home_. This felt so routine, the first sense of normalcy I'd had in days, weeks really.

I should have felt comforted, but I didn't. Anxiety seemed to burn in the pit of my stomach. This was nothing but a momentary lull in a storm that was about to break. I had run away in fear of my life and was petrified that the Doctor would find me. It was only a matter of time. You can't hide from someone who can travel anywhere in time and space.

I sipped my tea with shaking hands and tried to think of what to do, but I knew there wasn't really anything I _could_ do. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the clatter of a teacup on the table and a familiar voice called out, “Ella! There you are!”

I lifted my head. Oh god, no. Not now. Donna slid into the booth opposite me. She looked worried. “Ella?! Where the hell have you been? I've been bangin' on your door for days now and no answer! All the lights out at night, too! It's like you up and disappeared!”

I swallowed hard. If only she knew the truth. “Donna. Um...yeah, I went to...Stratford on a little trip, but I'm back now.” I was relieved that the journal was hidden in my bag where she couldn't see it and my illustrations of the Doctor and the TARDIS.

“On a sprained ankle?” She sounded dubious and I internally grimaced. I'm a terrible liar.

“It got better really fast. Would you like a scone?” I nudged the plate towards her, hoping it wasn't too obvious that was trying to change the subject.

She glanced down at the plate and bit her lip in indecision. “Supposed to be watching my sugar intake, but why the heck not?” Donna split a scone in half and plopped some clotted cream and strawberry jam on it. I took a deep breath and started asking polite questions about her and Shaun and nursery plans, hoping to keep her distracted long enough that she'd forget my disappearance. Any other time, I would have enjoyed spending time with her. Considering the situation, though, the conversation felt artificial and I was uncomfortable.

Donna finished her scone and then look hard at me. “Somethin's out of place here, love. I can tell. You sure you're all right?”

I forced a smile to my face. “'Course I am! Just a lot of work to catch up on, you know how it is when you've been out. Just...feeling a bit stressed. I'm supposed to be lecturing on Titian soon and haven't even made up the presentation.”

“Sounds fascinating,” she deadpanned and I smiled. “Positive you're ok?”

“Yep!”

“Well...all right.” Donna glanced at her mobile to check the time. “Oh no! I'm supposed to be at Mum's in half an hour to take Gramps to the doctor.” She stood up in a hurry. “I'll be passing by the uni if you want a lift.”

I readily took her up on her offer. A car would put a few more miles between myself and the TARDIS and I saw that as a good thing as I debated what to do. I paid for my scones and tea and followed Donna to her car. The sun had risen and the street lights were beginning to go out. As I waited for her to unlock the car, I glanced over at the park and saw the unmistakable silhouetted figure of a tall, lanky person in a suit and long coat standing in the shadows. My heart sank. It could only be the Doctor.

Donna must have asked me a question and I hadn't answered, but suddenly I heard her asking, “Hello! Earth to Ella! What _are_ you looking at?”

  
Crap! That was a close call.

I snapped my head around and saw she was following my gaze. Frantic to distract her lest she see the Doctor, I screamed, “Squirrel!” I took a deep breath. “I saw a squirrel and they're so damn cute. I like sketching them. We'd better go or you'll be late.”

She thankfully looked back towards the vehicle, shaking her head with a bemused smile on her face. “You are too strange.” Donna unlocked the car and I climbed in. As Donna drove away, I turned around to look back and, by the flickering of the last street lights as they went off, saw the Doctor step out onto the sidewalk. I couldn't read his expression, but he stared stonily into my eyes as the car turned the corner. He wasn't smiling.

I had to draw this to get it out of my system, but I can barely look at this drawing without wanting to cry. I think I actually got his expression right this time and I'm not sure if he's disappointed or furious. Whatever it is, he's not happy with me.

I sunk down into the seat, feeling sick. Part of me felt like I had made the right decision in running away, but the other part questioned if I hadn't just made a _huge_ mistake. I certainly had violated his trust in me...but did that really matter if my life was in danger, anyway?

Thoughts whirled in my mind as Donna chattered away about baby names and brands of strollers and I answered on auto-pilot. “...And Shaun said the cheapest was fine by him, no need for an expensive pushchair combo, but I said, _I_ said I wanted a Bugaboo...” Donna glanced over at me and I saw her frown a little bit before she shook her head. “What am I nattering on about, eh? You've got no interest in baby gear.”

I snapped out of my reverie. “What? Oh...gosh, I'm sorry, Donna. Bugaboo, yes. I've seen lots of moms in the neighborhood pushing those. They seem to be popular with the urban mommies.”

Donna brightened a bit. “Really? Oh ,good! I'm still trying to figure out that lot we live near. Right snots some of them! I hate to say it, but part me really misses Chiswick.”

I smiled a little bit. Donna and I both felt out-of-sorts in our upper-class neighborhood.

Donna pulled up to the curb at the edge of the university campus and I got out. “I'll stop by later and we can chat about nursery themes since Shaun's absolute rubbish at choosing...anything, really!”

I grinned before thanking her for the ride and waving her off. As I watched the car pull into traffic, I wondered if the old Donna would have given up traveling with the Doctor for a domestic life of mortgages and changing nappies. I couldn't really answer that since I didn't know Donna before she met the Doctor, but I had a suspicion that she wouldn't have. The Doctor had said something about Donna wanting to travel with him forever.

I shivered in the cold morning air and wished I'd had a heavier coat than just the light denim jacket I wore. Spring is taking a long time to arrive here in England. I looked down at my jacket and frowned. I didn't look professional at all in my jeans and that wouldn't do. I never appeared on campus unless I was dressed nicely. It's a thing with me.

I looked up at my office and realized that'd be one of the first places the Doctor would search for me. I wasn't safe there.

Well...I wasn't safe _anywhere_ , but I certainly wasn't going to make it easy for him to find me now, was I?

“This isn't going to end well, is it?” I mumbled to myself as I shivered again and started for the Tube station. I needed to stay around crowded places and people.

I spent most of the morning wandering around London until I wound up here at the Tower. I reasoned this would be one of the last places the the Doctor would look for me. I'm not sure if he can track me or not. My cell phone's busted, so he can't tap into the satellites and find me that way.

And...that's what brings me to here. I'm sitting in the Tower of London and the sun is going down. The Tower's going to close soon. I used a pay phone earlier and made a reservation at a hotel for the night, but I know I can't do this forever. I can't afford it, for one. Also, I have to be back at work on Monday come hell or high water and it's Wednesday now. I've got just four more days to figure out what to do.

I feel this place is oddly apropos. People used to be sent here just before their deaths and...well...maybe the same is true for me.

God, I can't believe I just wrote that.

Crap. I just want to go out and get drunk and I haven't wanted to do that since grad school. Good thing it's St. Patrick's Day! I'd find a pub and get toasted except I'm already so exhausted from not sleeping and my head and ribs are starting to hurt again. Alcohol would probably just make me feel worse.

Ella, the Emo Princess! But really...this just about sums up how I feel right now.

Has it really only been a week since this nightmare began? No...I guess the nightmare started last month when I was stupid enough to sketch the TARDIS.

I want to go home, just like I have since last week. There's the irony for you. I finally am home, but I can't actually _go_ home, you know?

I didn't want to sketch any of the prison parts of the Tower, so here's the Tudor court where the Yeoman Warders live. It's much happier.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of the anxiety of hiding from a Time Lord takes its toll. The Doctor finds Ella and makes her go back to the TARDIS to figure out what the hell is going on. They come up with a plan to keep Donna safe.

_Selected entries from the personal journal and sketchbook of Dr. Ella Porter, Professor of Art History and amateur artist._

March 18, 2011

I am a walking nervous wreck. I think I got about two hours of fitful sleep last night and it had nothing to do with nightmares, for once. It's the anxiety over not knowing what's going to happen to me that's preventing me from getting any rest. I'm constantly on edge, have thrown up...I don't know how many times. I jump at every tiny sound. I don't think I can go on like this for much longer.

Obviously, no sign of the Doctor today. What's he up to? Is he playing some kind of twisted game with me or does he honestly not know where I am? I think not knowing what's going to happen or when he's going to come for me is the worst part of all of this.

I just want it to be over. I could just go home or even seek him out, but I feel like that would be walking into the lion's den covered in raw meat. I'm not going to my death willingly. That is, if I'm doing to die at all. Maybe I'm blowing this way out of proportion, I just don't know.

And I still can't help but wonder about his other companions. How did he find them? What's happened to them? Donna just randomly appeared on his ship and refused to travel with him, but then she sought him out later on. Why? Was her life really that dull? Why does he not have one now? He kept delaying letting me leave the TARDIS and he had legitimate reasons for it, but was he going to ask me to take Donna's place? I'm not trying to flatter myself or anything, but I can't help but wonder if there was something else motivating him. What if his intentions for keeping me there were more sinister? What if I had said “no” and he hadn't accepted it? He might have prevented me from leaving, holding me prisoner (despite his repeated assurances that I was free to go). And that part of me is glad that I fled when I did...

And yet another part of me, a small part, wonders if I really am in any danger and if all of this is in my head, that there must be a good reason for the memorial, something that I just don't know about. I can't forget his kindness and concern for me. Part of me feels guilty for what I've done, but it's only a tiny part. I can't allow myself to feel bad for betraying his trust when I don't know if his intentions for me were ultimately good or bad.

Again, it's the unknown that's driving me crazy.

And I'm way too tired to draw today. I can barely form coherent thoughts, let alone sketch. They'd come out looking like Salvador Dali's paintings on LSD.

I feel terrible right now. I'm going to spend another night here in the hotel, but I'm going to have to go home tomorrow. I can't afford to stay away any longer.

  


March 19, 2011

Nothing again today so far. It's late afternoon and I'm sitting in Hyde Park and trying not to fall asleep on my feet. I really _really_ need to sleep, but I've been too scared to go back to my house. Just the thought fills me with dread, but I have to. I can't keep doing this to myself.

What's he going to do to me?

I haven't kept much down lately and it's from stress. I'm shaking from exhaustion and probably low blood sugar, like a chihuahua in Antarctica.

It's getting dark and I should head home.

I'm sure Donna's wondered what's happened to me and there's going to be questions. I'll have to think up another cover story, but I'm too tired to try for one right now.

  


March 20, 2011

I got home last night a little after seven. It felt strange to be back home after my unexpected vacation. The house was so still and quiet that it unnerved me and made me jumpy. My image in the bathroom mirror was terrible. The dark circles had returned under my eyes, my skin looked sallow, and I'd definitely lost some weight. I guess not being able to eat or sleep much will do that to you.

The stress of having a Time Lord after me had finally taken its toll. I was starting to get very sick and I collapsed, right after I managed to eat about half a tin of soup. Eating actually made me feel worse, of all things. My whole body hurt and I decided to just go to bed and try to sleep. I changed into my favorite comfy jammies (the red ones with the white polka dots) and went downstairs to shut off the lights. I was just dragging myself up the stairs to my room, hoping that dinner wouldn't come back up, when my knees turned to jelly. My legs folded underneath me and I sat down hard. Fortunately, it happened when I'd reached the first landing. I don't want to think about what would have happened if I'd collapsed on the stairs themselves.

“Well, this is just peachy!” I grumbled as I struggled to get back to my feet, but all of my strength had left me. I couldn't get up. “Fine, ok, you stupid body. We'll just hang out right here, then.” I settled back against the wall, leaning my aching head against it. I just didn't care anymore.

I sat there for probably two or three hours. I tried getting up a few times, but to no avail. I had no way to call for help because my mobile is busted and I haven't replaced it yet. In the middle of the night, I heard a faint familiar grinding and wheezing noise that only got louder. I was filled with dread as I realized what it was. It was the sound of the TARDIS, coming from downstairs.

I tried again to struggle to my feet and managed to get into a crouching position, but I didn't have the strength to push myself to standing and I couldn't reach the railing to pull myself up. I trembled all over and landed on my butt with a loud thump in the corner of the landing.

There was a creaking noise as the door of the TARDIS opened. A moment later, I saw the tall, shadowy figure of the Doctor appear at the bottom of the stairs. There was a dim light coming through the front window from the street lights outside, which backlit him in the foyer and he looked really sinister standing there. Again, I tried to stand, but couldn't do it and I watched in growing dread as he mounted the first step.

The soft, slow thud of his trainers on the stairs caused all of the anxiety to come rushing back and I instinctively curled myself up into a tiny ball. The Doctor reached the landing and stopped in front of me. His long coat flapped open as he crouched down. “Ella?” I was surprised that he didn't sound angry because I expected him to be furious with me.

I didn't answer him, though. I couldn't seem to find my voice.

He put a hand on my shoulder. I started in fright when he touched me and jerked backwards, my self-preservation instinct kicking in. His voice was quiet and he sounded bewildered. “Why are you on the stairs?”

I still didn't answer, but I knew it was all over and I lifted my head to look at him. Sort of a “stare into the face of your enemy” moment, I guess.

Faint light came from a window high above our heads, but he pulled the penlight out of his pocket and trained the beam on me. I squeezed my eyes shut in the sudden brightness and turned my head away. “You look awful. What's happened? You were so much better.” I shook my head, not knowing what to say to him. “Come on, let's get you off this cold landing.” He'd mistaken my trembling for being cold (even though the heater was on) instead of from being afraid. “Can you walk?”

I didn't answer. _Go away go away go away_ was all that was going through my head. “Ok, then. I'll take that as a no.” His hands slid under my knees and shoulders and the Doctor lifted me up. I thought about lashing out, but my thoughts flashed back to the first time I'd woken up on the TARDIS and I knew fighting would be futile (not that I had the energy to, anyway). I expected him to go upstairs, but he turned and started down the steps.

The TARDIS was parked in the middle of the living room and he passed right by the sofa, where I thought he might have been heading. The door to the ship was open and my eyes grew round in fright. I squirmed around in agitation. “No! I don't want to go back. Please don't make me go back!”

But my pleas fell on deaf ears and the Doctor square his jaw before answering, “I gathered as much, but I don't think you have much of a choice right now.” His words made me shiver as he stepped across the threshold. “I came to find out why you ran away. What I didn't expect was to find you practically passed out on the stairs. You need help and that takes precedence right now over your feelings and my questions.”

I was desperate to be anywhere but back in the TARDIS. “I don't need to come here, I can rest in my house...” I started to argue, but he cut me off.

“No, you can't. Something's made you ill since you ran off the other day, which doesn't make any sense because you were almost back to normal. I'm going to find out what's making you sick.”

I could tell him the reason was from anxiety and lack of sleep, but that meant telling him what I'd seen and I wasn't about to do that. I had no idea how he'd react if he knew that I had found out about the murders. I decided to play along until I could figure out how to get out of there again. I told myself to stay calm. He couldn't find out what I knew unless I told him, right?

The Doctor carried me down the corridor and into the medical bay. I wasn't at all happy to be back there and I think that was pretty obvious when I squeezed my eyes shut in trepidation and mumbled, “Not again. Please not again.”

He set me down on the same bed I'd occupied before, the one that was furthest from the door. He shoved his hands into his pockets, smirked a bit, and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Yep, here we are again. A bit of deja vu, don't you think? At least you're conscious this time, eh?”

I knew he was trying to bring some levity to the situation, to make me smile, but it wasn't working. I lapsed into silence, opened my eyes, and looked away. There was a long, uncomfortable pause and the Doctor's voice took on a quiet tone again. “You're upset with me, Ella. Why?”

I took a deep breath and shook my head again.

“You don't want to tell me?” I heard a cabinet open behind me and sensed him moving around.

I shook my head “no.”

“Blimey...must have been a whopper, whatever I did.” Well, that was true. I'm pretty sure genocide qualifies as a “whopper.” He came around the bed to face me and I visibly tensed in his presence. He noticed it and frowned in confusion. “You should lie down.”

“I don't want to,” I murmured, refusing to look at him.

He shrugged. “Suit yourself, but I can see how exhausted you are.” He held out his hand and wiggled his fingers. “Give me your arm.”

I didn't budge. “Why?”

The Doctor held up a small device about the same size and shape of a credit card. “Just a blood test. Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit. I want to make sure there's nothing in your system that's making you sick. I didn't run a test before, so I could have missed something that might not be related to the accident.”

Was he thinking I had cancer or something? I really didn't want to be poked and prodded, especially when I already felt awful and I knew exactly what had caused me to collapse. But, I had decided to play along, so I reluctantly held my arm out. He grasped it and held the device briefly against my forearm. There was a beeping sound. The Doctor let go of my arm, slid the card-like device into a computer on one of the counters, and pressed a button. “That's going to take a few minutes to run an analysis,” he told me as he came back over. I flinched when he tilted my chin up. His hands hovered over my neck for a moment in hesitation, but he then started prodding my neck. “Lymph nodes aren't swollen, so probably not an infection.”

He fished around in his pocket and pulled out, of all things, a stethoscope. I almost laughed out loud. All of that futuristic diagnostic equipment at his disposal and he chose to use something as conventional as a stethoscope.

Guilt welled up inside me because I knew he was worried and that seemed completely out-of-character for someone who might want to kill me. I still couldn't get over the niggling feeling that maybe I had been wrong about him. I felt bad because all I had to do was tell him, but not knowing whether I was right or wrong prevented me from doing so. I felt a wave of anxiety and fear, feeling trapped, just as the Doctor stuck the earpieces into his ears and pressed the diaphragm of the stethoscope against my pajama top to listen to my heart. His head snapped up and he stared wide-eyed at me, looking surprised and concerned at the same time.

“Your heart's racing, Ella, faster than it should be.” He moved the diaphragm to my back and I shut my eyes, feeling like I was going to start crying. “And your breathing is rapid and shallow.” He pulled the stethoscope off to rest around his neck, then laid his hand on my shoulder and I jerked, letting out a small cry. I immediately started shaking again, bringing my knees up to my chest in a protective gesture. The Doctor pulled his hand away and took a step back as I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes to try to staunch the tears. I had to stay calm, but I was finding it very difficult when I was so frightened and unsure of everything.  


  
The Doctor finally begins to realize what's going on.  


“It's me, isn't it?” I could hear the sadness and bewilderment in his voice. I remembered he didn't like it when I was scared of him before. “You weren't like this until I started examining you. You're having an anxiety attack. I can only guess that I'm the cause, for some reason.”

I nodded before I could stop myself. Just then, the machine on the counter beeped and he stepped over to it, never taking his eyes off of me. He read the results and sighed. “Your epinephrine, norepinephrine, and cortisol levels are off the charts, like they've been building up. Those are the hormones associated with fear and anxiety. You've been like this for days, haven't you?”

I nodded again. He scratched behind one ear in thought. “And with all those hormones continually running through your system, you haven't been able to sleep or eat. You're physiologically almost incapable of it at this point. That would explain the moderate dehydration and your low blood glucose level as well. No wonder you're so ill. A state of constant fear and stress would do that to you.”

This may seem surprising, but I was relieved that he'd figured it out and I didn't have to tell him. He pulled his brown overcoat off and dropped it onto a chair before coming back over to me, pinching the bridge of his nose in thought.

“Ok.” I could hear the careful tone in his voice. “So, you need to be calm to get those hormone levels back down so you can get some fluids and sleep. I have the feeling that you're not going to let me help you because you're scared of me, for some reason, which causes you have anxiety attacks, which raises your hormone levels and keeps you from resting and eating properly. That's a nasty little circle.” He crossed his arms and leaned a hip against the bed, trying to catch my eyes. “So we'll have to break that circle. Ella, I know you don't want to tell me, but I need to know what's caused this. Whatever I did frightened you to the point that you ran away and broke my trust, which I know you wouldn't have done except for extreme circumstances. I can't make you better unless I understand what was so catastrophic that it made you flee. Please, tell me.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, seeing the faces of those billions of his people in my head. I didn't know how to put that into words, to tell him what I'd seen. I knew I had to, but the words just wouldn't come. How do you tell a murderer that you know what he's done and you've seen the faces of his victims? A quiet sob came out of my throat and I shook my head. I wasn't trying to be stubborn or reticent at this point. I honestly couldn't find the words.

I heard him sigh in resignation. “All right. I understand that it's hard for you to tell me, so there's a way I can find out that doesn't involve using words.”

What did he mean? I got my answer when I felt his fingers lightly press into my temples and _that_ earned him an instant reaction from me. My eyes flew open as I yelped “No!” and panicked, trying to simultaneously bolt off the bed and wrench my head out from his grasp. "No! Don't, Doctor!"

He responded by swiftly stepping closer and his fingers tightened. He gazed down into my tear-filled eyes as I struggled underneath his powerful hands and he murmured, “I'm so sorry to have to do this." I opened my mouth to scream and he continued, " Sssh, Ella. Sssh. Hush now. This won't hurt a bit.” The Doctor's voice took on a calm, hypnotic tone, the one I remembered hearing the day I'd woken up in the medical bay. I was absolutely terrified, but something suddenly blocked out the fear. It's hard to explain. I still felt afraid, but it's like the fear didn't seem to matter anymore. My mind went into a sort of trance and my eyes half-closed and my breathing slowed. “Oh, there we go. That's it. Just relax. There's no reason to be frightened.

A sense of dazed calmness came over me. All of the muscles in my body went slack and the Doctor guided me to lay back on the bed. I blinked once, a small part of my mind very aware of what was happening and was screaming in rage and terror, but for the most part I just didn't seem to care anymore.

His eyes closed and I suddenly felt his presence _inside_ my mind, looking into my thoughts.  


  
This is what a Time Lord looks like when he's picking through your brain. Yikes.  


Having him inside my head was bizarre and frightening. I whimpered at the unfamiliar feeling of having a second party to my thoughts. “It's all right. I'm only having a look at what frightened you, what could have compelled you to run off. Show me what scared you.” A memory of the memorial to Gallifrey popped up. “Oh! You saw...oh, I see now.” The whole scene replayed in my mind and he realized that I knew what he'd done, that I was scared of _him_ and what he was going to do to _me._

He took a deep breath. “Oh, Ella. No wonder you ran away from me. I hardly blame you for thinking I'd hurt you after doing...what I did. You were so scared and worried that it made you sick. I am so sorry." He paused and added, "You don't understand why I destroyed Gallifrey, though.”

The forced tranquility helped me to find my voice. “All those people!”

“I know...maybe it's better if I just show you.”

Horrific images suddenly filled my mind, pictures that I didn't really understand. I saw an alien city on an orange-red planet burning and I somehow understood it was on Gallifrey, a city called Arcadia. There were weird metal creatures with domed heads and strange eyestalks called Daleks. All I could understand was that I was seeing a terrible war, a war that has never been rivaled on earth. I unwillingly let out a sob at the images of death and destruction. “What you're seeing is the Time War. It was the worst war that ever was and ever will be. It was fought between my people and the Daleks. The Time War would have destroyed the universe, including this planet. I wasn't about to let that happen, so I chose to annihilate my own people rather than let their war continue.”

I felt a great sense of loneliness and I realized it wasn't mine. It was the Doctor's. “You're the only one left?”

“It's the price I paid.” I didn't miss the pain in his voice. “I've regretted it every day of my life. Do you understand why I did it?”

I swallowed once. “I think so.”

I opened my eyes and we stared at each other for a long moment. “I've taken lives, Ella, but only when I had no other choice. I can't ever atone for what I've done to Gallifrey, but as the last of the Time Lords, I have a responsibility and a legacy to uphold. You aren't in any danger, believe me.”

I knew he was telling me the truth. “But what about your companions? What's happened to them? Why don't they stay?”

His shoulders heaved in a silent sigh. “They all go. Sometimes they leave because they have to, they move on. Very rarely, they die. What happened to Donna was unfortunate and regrettable, but there wasn't anything I could do to stop it. If my people had still been alive, maybe...but without them, there was only one option to ensure her survival and that was to erase her memories.”

His fingers were still on my temples and I wondered if he was about to do the same to me. My brow furrowed in worry as he read my thought and shook his head, pulling his hands away. “No. I promised you I wouldn't and I'm not going to break that promise.”

I struggled to sit up, feeling so tired and just done, but I couldn't. I was too weak. Part of me was still miffed at him for going into my mind, but I also blamed myself. I knew he'd only done it because I hadn't been able to tell him verbally and it was important for him to understand why I'd fled .

There was one thing that was bothering me, though. “Why didn't you come after me sooner?”

Because I've spent the last two days shadowing my best friend, taking a huge risk that she'd see me.” The Doctor caught my worried look and added, “Donna is fine. Though, I think she's wondering where her neighbor's gone again. I don't know what you said to her, but I know now that it wasn't anything to harm her. That confirms my instincts about you, that you'd never deliberately hurt her and you'd try to protect her. I knew where you were the whole time, though, and I kept tabs on your locations. The ship's scanners can track you.” He smirked a little. “The Tower of London was a smart choice. I tried to come after you the first day, but the Tower is TARDIS proof thanks to UNIT. Also, I figured you needed a little breathing space.”

I didn't know what UNIT was and I didn't think I wanted to know. “I'm sorry.”

“It's ok. I understand why you did it and I don't blame you for being frightened.”

“So...this is over? I mean...really over now?” Part of me still couldn't believe that he was just going to let me walk away, especially after I'd violated his trust in me. I looked up at him.

He crossed his arms and his left eyebrow quirked up. “Not quite. There's still the matter of the journal.”

I took a deep breath. “I really don't want to destroy it, but I think I have an idea. It's the one I've been trying to tell you about for the last few days before things spiraled out of control. When I moved to England, I had to leave most of my belongings in storage in Santa Barbara. I have a combination safe with all my important papers there. What if I tore out the pages in the journal pertaining to Donna and you took me there in the TARDIS and I locked them away? I'm the only one who knows the combination. The journal will be on the other side of the world from Donna, locked in a safe, which is locked in a storage facility. Would that be acceptable?”

The Doctor contemplated my proposal. “You swear you're the only one who knows the combination?”

“I swear. Not even my parents know it.”

“And you know that if Donna's mind burns and she dies, you're the first person I'll come to looking for answers, other than her family?”

I swallowed, understanding that he was giving me a warning. “Yes.”

“Then I suppose that would be acceptable.” The Doctor paused in thought. "Also, I'd like for you to watch out for Donna. I can't be here all the time to keep an eye on her, and since she married Shaun, there hasn't been anyone I could trust to protect her. I'm appointing you as her guardian in my stead, to keep her safe from the metacrisis and from remembering me. I trust that you'll take good care of my best friend." He put his hands on my shoulders, smiling when I didn't flinch away this time. “Now, we need to get you rehydrated and you need to sleep. We'll take care of the journal when you wake up.” The Doctor gave my shoulders a brief squeeze and moved off to rummage through the cabinets.

I didn't want to stay there, but I was also so tired that I didn't care much and the prospect of sleeping negated any protests I might have made. I managed to roll over onto my right side and closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. It was a bizarre feeling. I was exhausted, but was so hyped up on the adrenaline in my system that I was wide awake. Everything was going to be ok. I knew that, but my body was slow in catching up.

The Doctor came back over and picked up my left arm. He poked around just below my wrist for a second and I opened my eyes just in time to see him press a white disk about the size of a fifty pence piece into my skin, where it stuck fast. It prickled a little, but didn't hurt. There were two ports at the top of the disk and he attached tubes to them, which led up to two plastic bags he'd suspended from a hook in the ceiling. There was a cold rush as the infusions hit my bloodstream. I've never had an IV before and I was glad that the Doctor's futuristic version wasn't painful. “Little bit of saline, little bit of dextrose and vitamins should sort you out. There's a soporific in there was well, but not as strong as the last stuff I gave you. You should drop off in a minute or two.”

“So I won't wake up pickled this time?”

He busted into laughter. “No.” He tugged the blanket over me.

“Thanks,” I murmured. “And again, I'm sorry.”

“It's all right. I'm just glad that Donna's ok and that I found you in time, though I wish it hadn't happened this way.”

“Me too.”

I felt sleepy all of a sudden and yawned as my eyelids drooped. The world started to go grey and the Doctor patted my left hand. “I'll fetch your journal so you can finish writing about this when you've rested. Every story needs to have an ending.”

“'Kay, thanks.” I yawned again and slipped into blessed unconsciousness.

When I woke up several hours later, there were blue socks with happy dancing bananas on my feet.  


  


The Doctor drew this after I woke up and called it “Resolution.” I think he took to heart my comment that he'd made me look better than I was the last time he drew me. I still think he's flattering me, but at least he got the bags under my eyes right this time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella goes home. She later sees a rather familiar face in a painting. The Doctor stops by at Christmas and Donna almost runs into him. Ella gets another surprise visit a few years later...

_Selected entries from the personal journal and sketchbook of Dr. Ella Porter, Professor of Art History and amateur artist._

March 25, 2011

It's been a few days and I've been so busy catching up with work that I haven't had time to write.

Before we went to Santa Barbara, the Doctor took me by the Harfidian Nebula. He said he couldn't let me go without at least showing me space. I stood in the open doorway of the ship staring out at an incredible riot of swirling gaseous colors of every description against a backdrop of sparkling stars. Bright flashes of light popped in the middle of the colors and I had to cover my eyes once or twice. I think we must have stood there for a good half an hour watching the show before the Doctor said we had to leave, albeit with some reluctance. He had genuinely enjoyed showing me the nebula and I silently wished he'd find a companion soon.

We landed at the storage facility and I added the pages of my journal entries and sketches pertaining to him to the safe (I've picked up a strongbox in London so I can continue to write about him and lock the entries away from Donna, just for a precaution).

Then, it was home. He landed the TARDIS in my living room and he followed me out. “So this is goodbye.”

He grinned. “And good riddance.”

I crossed my arms. “And amen!”

The Doctor laughed. “I suppose.” He took a deep breath. “Though, it's really not goodbye. This might not be the last time you see me. After all, I drop in on Donna once a year and...well...that could be five minutes from now for me.”

I shook my head. “Oh, go on! Have your adventures. Don't worry about Donna, Doctor. I'll keep an eye on her for you.”

He pointed a finger at me. “I'm holding you to that, you know.”

“Noted.”

I held out my hand. “Well, it's been interesting, Doctor.”

“To say the least, Doctor.” He glanced at my hand, glanced and me, and then broke into a huge grin before he pulled me into a side hug. “You take care of yourself, Eloise Porter. No falling into streams now.”

“You got it. I'll try to avoid alien stalkers.”

He chuckled and waved at me before stepping into the TARDIS, which disappeared a moment later.

I let out a huge sigh of relief and plopped onto the sofa. Home. Actually home for good.

It felt wonderful.

  
  


The Doctor refused to say goodbye. I think he looks a little sad.  
  
  


October 15, 2011

I absolutely can't stop laughing. I was at the National Gallery this afternoon after leading a group of my students on lecture visit. After they disbursed, Brian found me and said there was something he wanted to show me. It's been kind of nice dating a junior curator of the museum because he's been able to show me a lot of the works in storage that aren't on display or are being restored. I thought briefly about going into restoration work when I was younger, but I don't have the patience for it.

Anyway, Brian dragged me off to a part of the museum that's not accessible to the public, but still had works of art on display. I was confused. “What is this place?”

Brian shrugged. “It's the restricted collection. I've got access to it, but I don't necessarily know why these particular works are in here. I've been told that information is classified, for some reason.” I looked around at the paintings and sculptures. They were from all different eras, some ancient and some modern, but I couldn't see anything that was particularly lewd or offensive. I can't fathom why they'd be classified and hidden away from the rest of the public.

We stopped inside a small room where a giant portrait dominated the far wall. “This is what I wanted to show you.” Brian gestured at the painting. “It's Queen Elizabeth, obviously, but I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out the identity of her male counterpart. He's holding her hand and stands at her same level, so he must have been someone of equal ranking to the queen. He doesn't match any other portraits of monarchs at the time and I have a theory he might be one of Elizabeth's many suitors, but I can't seem to find a match to any of the famous historical ones. I thought maybe you could shed some light on...what's so funny?”

I had busted into peals of laughter and had to sit down on a small bench in front of the portrait. The man in the portrait in fancy Elizabethan dress was obviously the Doctor. I remembered what he'd told me in the pub in Santa Barbara, about whom he'd regretfully married, and something about posing for a portrait. I looked back up at the picture and started in on a fresh set of giggles. Maybe I'm imagining it, but there was a sort of “help me!” look in his eyes.

“Ella?” Poor Brian had no idea why I was almost crying from laughter.

I took a deep breath, trying to control my mirth. “It's...sorry...um. This just...reminded me of Rodney.”

“Oh, the nutter who thought Elizabeth was married? I wondered. Maybe he was right? Maybe that's why this portrait is in here? I mean, _if_ Elizabeth had been secretly married, that would certainly fly in the face of how history portrays her. Maybe it's a state secret or something?”

I shook my head. “I have no idea. Rodney would do back flips if he saw this, though.”

Brian quirked his head as he studied the portrait. “Poor guy. I wouldn't have wanted to be married to her. I wonder who he was?”

I pressed my lips together, holding in my giggles. “I have no clue.”  
  


I couldn't take a picture and I had to draw this from memory, so I'm missing some of the details of his gorgeous costume, but it was full court dress with sword and everything. Oh, Doctor! What mischief did you get yourself into with Lizzie the First?! I almost wish I could go back in time and find out.

I'm still laughing out loud about this hours later. I wonder if the Doctor knows about that portrait in the National Gallery? I don't think I'll mention it to him if I ever see him again. I have a feeling that whole period of his life is something he'd rather not remember.

  
  


December 18, 2011

Well, guess who showed up this evening?

Shaun had dragged a semi-reluctant Donna off for a date and I happily volunteered to take care of Holly. I understand that it's hard for her to leave the baby for a few hours, but she really needed to spend some time with her husband and I've been harping at her to do so. Unfortunately, Brian was stuck at a benefit gala or some other muckity-muck thing he's obliged to attend, so I was alone with Holly.

I was in the living room and hanging ornaments on the tree. Holly was asleep in her portable cot in the dining room. “Jingle Bell Rock” was playing off my MP3 player and I was singing along, wondering how the heck I was going to get the star on top of the eight foot Christmas tree, when the doorbell rang.

I walked into the foyer to open the door and gasped in shock when I saw the Doctor standing there, grinning from ear to ear. “Hello!”

“Hi...what are you doing here? It hasn't been a year yet.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “And a Happy Christmas to you, too.”

“What? Oh, sorry.” I stepped back. “Come in, please.”

The Doctor stepped inside and I shut the door. He had his hand behind his back and was still grinning as he gave me a dark, oblong object wrapped in bright red cellophane with a giant green bow on it. “Brought you a fruitcake from the planet Exicoria. Be mindful to only eat one slice a day, though. The brandy in there is pretty potent stuff. It'll make you downright tipsy.”

“Thanks for the warning.” I suddenly got an idea and brightened. “Hey, you're just in time!”

“Just in time for what?”

“To help me finish decorating the tree. My parents are coming tomorrow and I haven't had time to finish. You can put the star on. I can't reach the top.”

The Doctor pulled his brown pinstriped coat off so that he was in his shirtsleeves and followed me into the living room. “I'd be glad to. So you're not alone this year? That's wonderful. No one should be alone during the holidays.” I plopped down on the settee and started untangling Christmas lights to hang outside while he picked up the giant blue and white star from its box.

“What about you?”

“What about me?” He turned towards the tree and contemplated the top.

“Are you alone this year?”

He paused and his back stiffened for a moment, then he shrugged. “I suppose so. I thought I might go see Victorian London. It's quite a lovely sight at Christmastime.”

“I suppose you could have Christmas all the time if you've got a time machine.”

I saw the side of his mouth quirk up in a grin. “Well, yes. Though...I think I'd get a little sick of all the terrible jokes in the crackers.” He grabbed the footstool and climbed up on to settle the star on the top of the tree. The Doctor jumped down and put his hands on his hips. “How's that?”

“Perfect, thanks!” I'd managed to get myself tangled up in the long string of lights just as Holly started to wail from the dining room. “Oh, gosh. I should have mentioned that I'm babysitting. Um...er...” I struggled to dislodge myself from the lights

“I'll get the baby for you.” The Doctor disappeared down the hall as I wiggled free. “Hello! Who's this lovely lady, then?” He came back a moment later with Holly in his arms, wrapped in a blanket. He bounced her gently, stilling her cries.

“That's Holly, Shaun and Donna's daughter. She's probably hungry.” I fussed around in the diaper bag for a bottle. “She was born in September.”

The Doctor's face lit up and he looked down at Holly, then looked back at me. He was positively beaming. “Aw, she's brilliant!” Holly stared at the Doctor, fascinated, before breaking into a happy grin and flailing her arms and legs. One of her tiny hands came free of the blanket and she reached up and smacked him across the cheek. He snorted in laughter. “Yes, you certainly are your mother's daughter.”  
  


Crap. This was rushed and I forgot his sideburns. Anyway, he seemed really happy holding Holly. He also seemed relieved, yet sad at the same time. I'm not sure why.

His charm wore off when Holly realized he didn't have either a breast or a bottle for her and she started crying again. The Doctor handed her over to me and I settled onto the settee with her bottle to feed her. He sat down next to me. “What about you, then?”

“What about me?”

“Well, you've got a certain special someone in your life now, don't you?”

I looked sideways at him. “Have you been stalking me again?”

He laughed and shook his head before glancing at the framed photo of me and Brian on the mantelpiece. “Just being observant. I don't remember seeing that before and you've never mentioned a brother.”

“No, I don't have any brothers. That's Brian. He's a curator at the National Gallery.”

He nudged me. “And?”

“And what?”

“And...do you think he's going to propose?” He nudged me again and glanced at Holly. “Getting some good practice for the future, eh?”

“Doctor!” I turned red in embarrassment. “We've only been seeing each other since July.”

“Six months, eh? That seems like a good sign if you've been dating that long.” The Doctor paused and smirked. “You sure he's not a nutter? No weird theories about dead English monarchs?”

I remembered the painting Brian had showed me and busted into a fit of giggles. “No, no weird theories.”

He stayed for awhile longer, playing with Holly. The Doctor seemed such a natural with her that I had a strange feeling that he's been a dad before. I shuddered to think that he might have had children on Gallifrey and wondered if he'd been forced to destroy his own family. I felt a deep sense of sadness, but I tried to shake it off as I glanced at the clock. “You know, Donna and Shaun are going to be back soon. Donna was a little reluctant to leave Holly and I wouldn't be surprised if--”

There was a sudden knock on the door and the Doctor froze with Holly in his arms, his eyes going wide. “Quick! The kitchen pantry!” I hissed as I took the baby from him and pointed. The Doctor nodded and scurried out of sight as I moved to the foyer and opened the door.

Donna and Shaun came in and Donna immediately scooped Holly up into her arms, cuddling the baby close. “Were you good for Auntie Ella? Were you? Mummy missed you!”

Shaun rolled his eyes at me and grinned as he went off to get the diaper bag and break down the portable cot.

“She was fine,” I told Donna. “Did you have a nice time?”

“It was lovely, thanks.” Donna gasped at the tree. “Oh, it's pretty! How did you ever get the star up on top?”

“I had some help.”

“Oh?” She looked around. “Is Brian here? I didn't see his car.”

“He...ah...he had to leave.”

“Pity. You tell him I have a present for him when you see him next.”

“I will.”

Donna frowned at the pinstripe jacket slung over the back of a chair and I paled. “Is that Brian's? I don't think I've ever seen him in pinstripes, but I bet he'd look dashing, eh? Like one of those Bond Street bankers. You should get him a bowler hat.”

Thankfully, Shaun came back lugging all the baby gear and Donna gave me a hug. “Thanks again, love. Pop round tomorrow for coffee, ok?”

“Sure thing. Good night, Donna. Good night, Shaun.”

They left and the Doctor reappeared a moment later. He smiled sadly at the door and I could only guess his thoughts. I put my hand on his arm. “She's happy, Doctor.”

“I know. But she was happy with me as well.”

“Maybe that was a different kind of happy?" I hesitated, and then blurted out, "I...I don't think you could have given her a Holly.”

He shook his head. “No, I couldn't have.” He took a deep breath and looked off to the side. “Donna loved the travel and the adventures, but there was a part of her that wanted babies and a family and all the domesticity that I couldn't give her. At least...not easily and she wasn't interested in having that sort of relationship with me.”

I quirked an eyebrow. This was the closest I'd ever heard him come to saying he loved Donna. Did he? And had she loved him back? I'll never know because that's the Donna Temple-Noble that I don't know and will never meet.

“I should be going.” He moved to get his jacket and put it on, but I tugged at his arm.

“You can't leave when you're sad like this. Besides, Donna and Shaun will be up for a while longer and they might see you from the window. How am I supposed to explain a strange man leaving my house when I've got a boyfriend? Stay awhile and have some coffee and high-octane alien fruitcake with me.”

He frowned and considered my offer, scratching the back of his neck before he shrugged and beamed. “Well, if it's to prevent awkward explanations to the neighbors and preserve your reputation, then how can I refuse?”

I hope that in some way I've made the lonely Time Lord a little less lonely this Christmas. It pains me that he's alone and I hope he finds someone soon.

  


March 10, 2014

I was walking through the park this afternoon and sat on a bench to take a rest when I realized that it's been three years to the day since I encountered the Doctor in the park. I haven't seen him since that time at Christmas and I wondered if he still dropped in to check on Donna.

I was sitting on the very same bench where I'd been when I first saw him coming towards me and I'd run away, only to go and do myself a mischief and the start of the strangest ten days of my life. Stretching my arms above my head, I yawned openly and noticed a few squirrels romp across the path. I wished I'd brought some nuts with me, or my journal. Spring seems to have come a bit early this year and I was a bit warm after my brisk walk, so I leaned back against the bench and closed my eyes, letting the warm sun play over my face.

I was startled when I felt someone sit down next to me a few minutes later. I opened my eyes and saw a young woman sitting next to me. She was in her early to mid twenties, petite, with long dark hair, dressed in a black short skirt, white top, and black sweater. She was smiling broadly at me. “Sorry to disturb you. You'd be Ella, then?”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Ella Porter, yeah?”

I quirked an eyebrow at her. “Yes?”

The woman didn't stop grinning. “Friend of mine wanted to say hi.” She nodded off towards the glade. “He's over there.”

“In the glade?”

“Yep!” She noted my dubious expression “Oh! He thought you might be a little cautious, so he gave me these...” She reached into her satchel and pulled out a bag from In-N-Out Burger (sans tasty burger) and a sketch. “Drew that himself, he did. Not too shabby, if I may say so.”  
  


  
Hey, it's me!

I started laughing when I saw the bag and grinned at the sketch. “He always makes me look better than I really do.”

The girl cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean? You're lovely! He captured you just right. Now go on, off you pop! He's waiting.”

I heaved myself off the bench and tugged my jacket back on, heading for the glade. The woman followed me. I pushed the branches aside and stepped into the secluded thicket of greenery. Parked in between the trees was the TARDIS and I was stunned to see an older gentleman leaning against the ship, arms crossed, and one booted foot propped back on the door. He wore a bluish coat without a collar that was lined in red, a dark blue shirt, and tight black trousers. The man stood up straight as I came into view and smiled. “Ella!” He had a slight Scottish accent.

I stopped in my tracks. “Doctor?!”

He held out his arms and looked down at himself. “The very same. My apologies for sending Clara.” He nodded to the young woman, who passed me and went to stand by him. “I didn't want to frighten you in this new body. What do you think?”

“It's...um...rather distinguished,” I managed to say. I hadn't expected him to be so much older. “So you've regenerated.”

He smirked and nudged Clara. “See! Distinguished!” The Doctor turned back to me. “Actually, I've regenerated twice since I saw you last. The last me was a tad bit younger. It's always a bit of gamble, regeneration.”

This new (old?) Doctor looked quite different from the lanky pinstriped Doctor that I'd come to know. There was absolutely no resemblance except for they shared a certain affinity for crazy hair. But...when I looked closer, I could see that darkness in his eyes. I shuddered internally and realized this definitely was the same man.

“Saw it happen myself,” Clara quipped and snapped her fingers. “Like that!”

The Doctor came over to me. “Still me, though.” He reached out and picked up my left hand, nodding at the wedding band glinting off my ring finger. There was a smug expression on his face. “I told you he'd propose, didn't I?” He patted my stomach. “And now look at you! Not much longer now, eh? Boy or girl?”

I shrugged. “I don't know. We chose not to find out.” <“Good girl! We need more surprises in this world!” He paused and glanced over the treetops towards the roof of my house. “So, how's Donna? Her house has been quiet since I arrived yesterday.”

“You just missed her, then. She went to France with the family for a few days. Did you know she's expecting another one? Little boy, due in July.”

I was stunned to see the same sad and relieved expression that I saw two years ago at Christmas cross the old man's features. “Good for her. I'll pop in maybe and see her.” He gave me a quick hug. “Well, take care, Ella.”

I smiled. “You too, Doctor.”

Clara waved goodbye at me and they stepped into the TARDIS, which disappeared a few moments later. I'm glad he's found another companion. I think he's happier when he's not alone on his adventures.

And neither am I. I have Brian and I have the baby and that's all I think I need these days. 

  
The Doctor and Clara.


End file.
